What Happened Next
by ClassicPoet
Summary: Living with a tortured past and an unknown future, Theodosia Welsh becomes a detective member of the SVU. Young and still finding her way, she goes undercover with Rafael Barba and an old friend of the force to solve the rape and murder of a young and upcoming starlet. As things start going, Theodosia's past catches up with her and it puts her and everyone she works with at risk.
1. Meet Detective Welsh

Chapter One

I sat there, for what felt like three hours but was really three minutes, looking in the mirror at my very ugly face, or what people on the internet called a very ugly and manly face. It was so weird, a few months before this moment, I was okay with the way I looked. I was confident that I was a chubby cheek, brown skin girl with dark eyes and a big smile and personality to boot-but, as I pushed away from the bathroom mirror for the hundredth time that morning, I figured was wrong.

I wanted to make an impression, this was my first day of work and I was ready to go. I was ready to make a change as a detective. I was excited, despite the lack of confidence stirring in my soul about how I looked and all the features that made up...well, me. I was still ready to go and start the first day of the rest of my life. That's what I thought to myself as I traveled down the steps of my old and kinda dangerous apartment building.

I had just moved from Baltimore to New York a year ago and I had met a crackhead, actually, three but two were dead (one from an overdose the other by the hands of a guy on PCP,) ten high school dropout, two single fathers, and one very shady dope dealer who, I am sure, killed people for money on his free time and happened to live above me. This place was like a revolving door, where one goes in and the other would come out. No one stayed for long- except the last surviving crackhead and the drug dealer.

I stood on the block of my place with my winter coat on and my hat placed firmly on my short kinky hair and looked both ways for a taxi. I saw three and all three drove right past me like I wasn't even there. I would have chalked it up to chance if it wasn't for the fact that I saw each one did it. I'm not going to name the reason why because I'm not that type of girl, but I'm letting you know, reader, that this was my everyday life in New York. Of course, I got a taxi and he, a very nice dude from Ethiopia, drove me to the front door of my workplace and cut the price in half for the shotty service his company did. I thanked him, paid him, watched him drive off, waved, and walked into my job-happy as a lark on wheels (whatever a lark is.)

The first thing I noticed when I walked into the joint was the fact everyone was NOT everywhere. That was a first; normally officers would be running around, yelling, telling people to "sit yo' big ass down before I make change." None of that was happening. As I walked in and placed my personal items on the desk with the other officers, I noticed people staring at me with smug smiles on their faces.

? Was what I thought. Just a giant ol' question mark just resting on the top of my head like a plumb on the Sims game. Green and floating, in my imagination, it would be.

I looked around and saw my friend, Wisdom, looking at me with wide green eyes and a gap tooth grin. He was holding some papers to give to Fin; I remember that because I saw his name written in childish handwriting that could only belong to Wisdom or a toddler. I don't know where this man learned to write, but it wasn't in school.

"And what are you smiling at?"

"Detective Welsh!" Wisdom echoed.

The room started to clap almost on cue, looking back at it now, I think that whole situation was planned but I didn't think about it because I was so embarrassed that my only friend in this big wide world was telling the big wide world that I was a detective. Yeah, I was proud, but I was still a timid person. I didn't want people looking at me.

I hushed Wisdom by placing my hand over his mouth, but the room was still clapping. Under the brown of my skin, I was sure they couldn't see the blood and heat rise on my face but I was certain they could see my face tighten in a sharp cringe. Every time the skins of their hands made contact, was the time I wanted to shoot myself in the head.

"It's not that big of a deal, guys, really."

"Oh but it is." I watched as the Sergeant of all Sergeant, Olivia Benson walked into the bullpen.

I always admired Benson. She was smart, brave, tough, beautiful- she had people falling at her feet to die for her should the time come and I couldn't get my landlord to fix the plumbing in my bathroom (I was using the hall bathroom at the end of my floor.) I admire the way Benson talked; she spoke with such elegance, intensity, and control that I wanted to be a soldier on the front lines with her. I admired her, I guess you could say I was jealous of her. I still am jealous of her, even after everything that happened…

Anyway, back to the story.

I found myself still cringing when I heard Benson call my name for the third time. People already were hesitant to allow me to be a cop, in the first place, because I'm partially deaf, but even the deaf need protecting and I was good at my job. I could feel vibrations, should my hearing aid come out, and I had good eyes-even though they were hidden behind thick-rimmed glasses. So me not answering Olivia the first or the second and almost the third time she called my name was already putting doubts in the seasoned detectives' mind.

"Theodosia, are you listening?"

"Yes, I was just...not paying attention. I was lost in my own thoughts…." I dragged out the "s" longer than it should be and that made the cops behind me laugh a little. I saw Fin hide a smile with his hand but quickly removed it.

"We can't have people who don't listen on our team, understand that, Theo, and don't let it happen again. You have a lot to prove." Damn, she's already calling me by my nickname, l remember thinking. Again, looking back on it, I think she said "Theo" more times than not, because it was easier to say than "Theodosia." Olivia slammed a photo of a young lady whom, I can attest to this, was very pretty and dead. Very much dead. "This is Gina Wildman, twenty-four years old. She was found strangled and sexually assaulted by her boyfriend-" Olivia slammed the picture of a rather handsome man with tattoos running up and down his face. His eyes were the only thing that scared me- his eyes were insane: wide, dark, and expressively scary. I took a step back and backed into Wisdom, who caught me before I could fall.

"Careful, Theo" Olivia called out, the room turned to look at me. I straightened up and cleared my throat. "He claims he didn't do it and when questioned, his relationship with his girlfriend was good. Poke holes in that claim."

"Who are we going to ask to do that?" I asked, not even waiting to be called on. Again, the room looked at me. I shrunk down a half inch from the pressure of eyes on me. "Just asking." I quickly added.

The room laughed. I can remember how foolish I felt for asking such a stupid question and showing my ass on my first day of my new position.

"Well, we are going to question the relative of the victim and-" The room started to laugh harder, I even saw Fin laugh at me. My face felt hot and heavy, tears started to sting my eyes and I wanted to run out of there and go home. However, I stood my ground and refused to let my face contort into a cry. I think Olivia saw my pain because she tried to hush the room. "Shhh, shhh, shhh-it's okay. There is no such thing as stupid questions-"

"Actually there is-" I heard that voice before and I have seen that decently tall Cubano walk past me several times. He turned to face Olivia's main crew but his eyes traveled up a little too far and landed on my dysfunctional face. His warm blue-green eyes almost made me want to die-not because he was handsome, but because he was probably thinking about how ugly I was.

That was my thing with most people-should they look at me for far too long, I would start to grow concern and call myself ugly. There was no other reason (at least that's what I thought) for them to be looking at me for longer than .2 seconds.

"Oh, we have a new member?!" He said, almost like he wasn't expecting me to exist. I only had one conversation with DA Rafael Barba at that point and it went a little something like:

 ** _"Excuse me, sir, can you excuse me?"_**

 ** _"Why?"_**

 ** _"Because you're blocking my desk."_**

 ** _"Hmmm…"_**

That was when I first got here. I was sure he didn't remember me, not how I looked at least; his head was too far down his files to give me eye contact. I sat with Wisdom that morning and it was the best day of my life. Barba may have remembered the sound of my voice; its less like the standard deaf person accent but nothing like a hearing person. I'm an odd medium.

"Yea, meet Theodosia Welsh, our new member." Fin beamed, after all it was he who recommended-

"The Deaf Girl?!"

"BARBA!" Half the room said together like a choir of singing birds. Barba looked around at the room.

"What?"

"Hi, yeah," I took a few steps shyly forward. "I can hear you."

"Oh, so you aren't the Deaf Girl, then?" Barba was actually confused.

"Okay!" Olivia cut the conversation short. "Let's get to work, okay? Barba, meet me in my office Rollins you go with Carisi and get me everyone you know who is somehow related to the Vic. Fin and Welsh-"

Fin bolted up from his seat. "Talk to the Vic's mama? Got it."

"Good. Barba, follow me." I watched Olivia walk with Barba to her office.

"Let's go, Theo."

I grabbed my personal belongings and ran to catch up with Fin, but not before throwing a look over my shoulder and watching Barba and Olivia disappear into the room together. I followed Fin out the front door of the station and back into the freezing cold weather that was New York.


	2. Ms Jankin

I walked up the three steps to the Wildman house, a quiet house on a quiet street that overlooked Hudson University. I remember only imagining how the homeowners felt on those wild nights Hudson had. I waited in the cold, seeing my breath in the air and shivering to what felt like no end, as Fin rang the doorbell. He looked at me, wide brown eyes that normally to shine with excitement and readiness for the day was now saddened. The wheels in his brain were turning; he was trying to figure out how to tell this mother that her child was dead and ask how well she knew this girl's boyfriend in the same breath.

"Where is she?" I bounced on my toes to keep warm. I was not in the best of moods at the moment; it was a combination of Barba referring to me as the Deaf Girl, which meant more people than him referred to me as such. My name is unique but it wasn't hard to remember; dammit, just refer to Dear Theodosia from Hamilton. I also was not in the mood because I was trying to figure out how long it would take this woman to reach her door.

I looked up at the house hoping to catch a glimpse of the curtains moving. Nothing.

"Fin," I asked my question again.

"Give her some time." As soon as he said that, the door to the house opened to reveal a middle-aged, decently attractive, healthy-looking woman. She looked up at us with her tear stained face and reddened hazel eyes. I don't know how I knew this, but I figured she knew why we were here. That was confirmed by her reaction when Fin told her why we were here. "I'm sorry," he repeated for the third time after seeing how unaffected this woman was.

"Are you alright, ma'am?" I chimed in. Fin placed his hand on my arm, ready to pull me back from whatever this woman was going to do, but I knew she was just taking everything in.

"Come in." She said as she turned into her house, leading us inside.

I gave a quick glance at Fin, he nodded to me and went in first, taking his gloves off in the process. I followed behind him, closing the door behind me as I admired the interior of the house. It was much bigger than the outside depicted, but then again, I could have been comparing it to my crackerjack apartment building and my butt crack of an apartment. Everything bigger than the squad room at the precinct was considered big in my eyes.

I looked around, the walls were a warm white with little patterns etched into them like nicely crafted cracks in the earth. The stairway ascended and then disappeared in front of me, leading to the second floor. Even when I was back in Baltimore, I never lived in a house; it was always apartments for me, apartments and park benches.

"Welsh!" I heard Fin's voice from the kitchen. It shook me from the trance and drew me closer to the two. The mother of the Vic was standing up, pouring a cup of black coffee for herself. I took a seat next to Fin at the kitchen table. The mother looked over at me and offered a cup.

"I don't drink coffee," I smiled, placing my hand up to decline the offer. I still don't drink coffee; the taste never took for me. I placed my gloves on the table and watched as Mrs. Wildman walked over to the kitchen table and sit across from us. She didn't drink her coffee; she stared at it, her hands shaking show much I was ready to get a broom should it fall.

After a few seconds, Ms. Wildman looked up at Fin and I. I smiled sadly at her, not being a mother at that point in my life, I was unable to understand her pain, but I was human; I could imagine. She placed the coffee cup on the table and her hands back in her lap. She looked like a child, how her body against the chair.

"I was just about the call the morgue when you both came."

"Again, I'm sorry Mrs. Wildman-"

"Elizabeth." Fin looked at me, an eyebrow up, before looking back at the woman. "It was Mrs. Wildman when I was married some time ago, now I just go by Elizabeth or Ms. Jankin."

"Ms. Jankin," Fin corrected himself. "Is there anything you can tell me about Gina's relationship with Jamal-"

"Jamal was never a nice guy, I knew that!" Ms. Jankin broke into her rant. "I told Gina to get away from that man, that a pretty girl like her could have any man she wanted, why she needed one that treated her like dirt was beyond me."

"But she didn't listen?" Fin inquired, already knowing the answer.

"No!" Ms. Jankin was angry, her light brown face flew into the sharp red of anger. I looked back at Fin, unsure of what to do, I knew she wouldn't hurt us, but it was still scary to witness. "They were dating for two years and he had hit her more than once. I called the police on him and took Gina in but every time-" Her hard shell was cracked; the woman started to cry in front of us. I looked around for a tissue, but I saw none. "Every time! Every time she would go back to him until that man killed her!"

"He killed her?" Fin asked.

"Who else would?! Gina was finally going to leave that monster and he got scared! He didn't want to let his best singer and the only woman to put up with his crap so long to leave him! Gina was his meal ticket and his ticket to fame!"

"Singer?" I asked.

Ms. Jankin looked over at me. She wiped her face with the back of her hand and gave me unwavering eye contact. "You're young, around the same age as my Gina, don't let a man ruin you. If he hits you, run. If he loves you, he won't hit you."

"Thank you, Ms. Jankin," Fin stood up to shake her hand. What she told me has stuck with me to this day, even after what happened after this case. I hope you, Reader, would listen to what Ms. Jankin said to me. I should have listened to her when I was able to…

Fin and I left the Jankin house and when we did, I found myself emotionally drained. I hadn't said anything more than three words to this woman but I felt like I was testifying in court for her. Fin looked at me as he put his gloves on.

"Regret becoming a detective yet?" I eyed him, the cold made me unable to speak. "Think you should have stayed a traffic cop?"

I licked my lips and felt instant regret as the cold air began to crack and dry them out.

"I want to make a difference if that makes sense." We began to walk down the steps and head towards the cruiser. "I want to change the world, but I did not think it was going to be this bad."

"Bad?"

"Draining."

Fin chuckled under his breath as he unlocked the car. "People are emotional, they have different needs, don't let them take your joy from your world. Be colorful, just be careful."

I got into the cruiser with Fin, quickly shutting the door and shielding myself from the cold air. Fin started the car and pulled off the block we were on. I looked back at the house and saw Ms. Jankin watching us through the window.


	3. Deaf-ccent

I swerved around the corner carrying two large hot coffees; being a new detective didn't make me more than a waterboy when it came to the older detectives. I was still young, fresh meat, and tender. I was willing to run after the older ones to get them to notice me, meanwhile, the other cops seem to be having the time of their lives outside freezing and writing tickets. I hope you can tell my voice is dripping with sarcasm about that last statement.

During my time at this precinct, I have learned some things and others were just rumors. I learned that Munch had a daughter who died and another girl who looked a lot like his deceased child. This girl is missing and no one is looking for her. I still don't know if I should be concerned about this or not. I learned that Fin and Munch aren't actually gay but really close friends and I had no idea who this "Munch" dude was. I learned that people actually suspected Barba and Benson to be together, going so far to create the term "Barson" to attach to the pair. I am so far unaware if they even know about this thing.

But yeah, I swerved around the corner so hard that I was thanking whatever higher power that might that there was no one around the corner. I placed one cup on Fin's desk and another on Rollins's desk.

"Thanks, Welsh," She held her cup up to me in a mocked cheer. "Sweet girl."

I smiled. "No problem."

"Welsh," Carisi came in with papers in his hands. He smiled once he saw me. "Where are you from exactly?"

"Maryland."

"Ah, the South!" Rollins proclaimed.

"Maryland is not in the South, Rollins," Fin shot down.

I cleared my throat. "Some think it is and others don't. Maryland is actually the first state under the Mason-Dixon line which separated the North from the South during slavery and during the Civil War. Maryland also fought to keep the slaves as, well, slaves during the Civil War." The detectives stared at me and I felt my cheeks heat up. I looked down at my shoes. "I wanted to be a history teacher before I became a cop."

"So, in other words," Rollins looked at Fin. "Maryland is a southern state."

"It's the most northern southern state in the country." Fin shot back making me laugh a little.

"Why are we talking about states?" I heard Barba ask as he walked in. I looked up and again came into eye contact with him. "Theodosia Welsh, is it?" I nodded my head. The detectives I was talking to turned to look at me. "I want to apologize for what I said earlier. I don't know if you are deaf or not, but it was insensitive of me to refer to you as-"

"The Deaf Girl?" I smiled at him. "It's fine, hearing people have called me worse."

The look on Barba's face-I don't know what happened and what was said in his brain but I would never forget it. Even after all these years and I'm telling you this, after all that went down-that facial expression was the saddest and painful thing I had felt.

"What did you say?"

"Hearing people," I repeated. "Those who can hear, call me that all the time."

Barba looked at Rollins. "What did she say?"

"Barba, she's not that hard to understand."

"I don't know what's she saying. I can't understand her clearly.

"She said us hearing people have said worst about her." Fin piped up.

"Oh," Barba looked at me. "Where are you from? Where is the accent from?"

"Baltimore, Maryland," I said, cringing every time I spoke.

"They don't have that type of accent in Balti-"

"It's called a Deaf Accent, or as Theo likes to call it, "Deaf-ccent."

I cleared my throat, hoping that it would make it easier for Barba to understand me. "I am partially deaf, so I can hear myself and what other people say a little bit without my hearing aids, but I have been this way my entire life. I don't get proper feedback so my voice sounds like it has been hidden and covered underneath five pillows and a blanket since birth."

Barba looked to Rollins for a translation. She rolled her eyes and repeated what I said. Barba looked at me with an interesting look.

"Do you know sign language?" To that question, I lifted up my hand and signed the world for yes. My mother was deaf and my father was a hearing person. I guess being deaf was in his bloodstream because my brother and sister turned out to both be deaf and my other brother was deaf in one ear. Barba smiled a little. "I don't know sign language, maybe you can teach me."

"Maybe," I shrugged.

"Listen up troops," Olivia told us as she walked in. "We know where Jamal works. Go talk to some of his starlets there and ask about his relationship with Gina. Fin and-"

"Welsh?"

Fin was easy to work with, he was chill. He didn't fuss, he didn't seem to care about anything as long as he was about to catch the bad guy. He was a good listener and was fluent in sign language. I thought that was amazing. The only person like that was Wisdom, who was outside in the cold.

"No." My heart dropped. "Fin and Carisi go talk to the girls at the job, Barba, and Welsh, in my office."


	4. Barba and Me

Chapter Four

I walked behind Benson, praying to whatever god out there was that I wasn't in trouble. I actually didn't know what I would be in trouble for, but being new to the job I was liable for anything. Benson closed the door behind us and walked to her desk. I remember it being a large oak-looking one covered in pictures and drawings. Littered in the front of the desk were clearly files, but the drawings and pictures looked to be of a child.

"Cute kid." I said, just trying to relieve the tension in the room that I only sensed. My heart pounded in my head. Olivia gave me a weird look before looking back at her desk. "Sorry."

"No, you're fine." She assured me as she took a seat in her swivel chair.

She placed her hands under her chin and eyed both Barba and me. Her dark eyes lingered on Barba a little bit more, as if she was trying to read him. She then looked over to me, her dark eyes moved to my hair and then my nose and then my eyes. She was trying to memorize every feature of my face and to this day, I have no idea why she did that.

After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, Olivia sucked in some air and leaned back in her seat. My heart felt like it was going to explode from my chest and run away. I glanced from the corner of my eye at Barba but he never looked back at me. Instead, he took a step closer to Benson.

He likes her, I remember thinking nothing about it. It was just a fact of the day: a woman like Benson could get a man like Barba while I looked like a pale brown turd with small twisty braids in my hair. I was used to be overlooked, so this wasn't anything new or special. Furthermore, I didn't knew either one of them too well to even care about their feelings.

"Barba, meet Theodosia." Olivia gestured in my general direction with one hand.

"We've met." He said quickly.

Olivia looked to me. "Welsh, meet Rafael Barba-"

"We've met." I repeated.

This somehow made Olivia smirk, her eyes closed a little before opening them to look at both of us.

"I want you two to get to know each other."

"Why?" I blurted without thinking. Both Olivia and Barba gave me their undivided attention; not expecting me to shout like that. I didn't want to be in trouble, I didn't understand why I was being treated like I was in trouble. I took a step forth, aligning myself with Barba. I remember the scent of his body; it was something my uncle used to wear. For a moment there, I felt like I was back home with my family. "I've done nothing to deserve getting to know someone."

"You don't think you should learn everyone's name?"

I shook my head. "Not like that, Ms. Benson," I looked at Barba. "But he and I were having a normal conversation and-"

"And I want it to stay like that." Olivia said firmly. Firmly putting me in my place, I lowered my head a little in shame. "I don't want you to be defined by your inability to hear properly."

She lifted up her hands and started to sign to me. I felt my eyes widen; it was so rare that a hearing person would know how to sign so well and an such a short amount of time. Olivia had told me she was going to learn how to talk to me in my language a few months before that day, but I didn't think she was going to be that good.

When she was finished, I understood. I turned to face Barba, who was taken aback by Olivia's skills and was utterly confused about what she said. I laughed a little, yanking him from his trance at the beautiful woman.

"What did she say?" He asked me.

"I want you and Theo to work together on this case." She said for me. "There is going to be a chance where we are going to have to send undercover officers; I want people who can sing to be there."

Barba knew where Olivia was going. I was so confused; could Barba sing? That would be interesting to hear. "And you can't send Rollins? She is-"

"Decent," Benson said. "But she is not you, Rafa. And she is not Theo, either. She doesn't have a powerhouse voice like the both of you."

Barba sighed and looked at the ceiling. It was a few minutes later when he lowered his gaze to his friend, again. Annoyance filled his eyes and his jaw squared.

"Fine." He said tightly. "Whatever."

With that, Barba swung on his heels and walked out the room. I cringed when I heard the door slam shut behind him. Olivia sighed, rubbing her temples, her eyes flickered up at me after a second, a small smiled moved on her lips.

"You and Rafael will make great friends." She assured me.

I nodded to her and turned to follow Barba out the room. While, if you had asked me, if I would try to be friends with Barba after today, I would have said yes. I still thought I could be friends with him, but I knew it was going to be work. I didn't think I had to work at a friendship.


	5. Two Points of View

I saw Barba at the coffee machine. His back faced me and no matter how much I wanted to talk to him, I knew it wouldn't be my place. Olivia had involved him in a case and it was her choice whether she wanted to take him off. I turned my head to see Wisdom with a few of his friends looking at our case bored. Their stance told me they were contemplating our victim.

"Hey boys," I said. Wisdom swung around to look at me, his shiny green eyes were full of happiness. I nodded to his friends. "What are you doing?"

"Your vic, we've seen her before." I raised my eyebrow.

"You have?" I quickly looked around for a notepad. I stole a pen from Fin's desk and a sheet of paper from Carisi's. Granted, this wasn't how we normally interviewed people, but I didn't know what to do. I had to write this information down. I took a seat at Fin's desk. "Do tell."

"Okay…" He began.

I remember seeing her walk up to me, Theodosia. I remember feeling an overwhelming amount of annoyance when I saw her reflection in the coffee pot. She did nothing wrong, really. I think she needed that reassurance and when she saw I wasn't going to turn around, she backed off. I wish I did turn around; maybe if we had become close long before this situation started, we would not be here. I would not be talking to you.

I saw her walking up to me with a tentative look on her face. She looked young, not nearly as old as 28; maybe that was because she always looked like an overwhelmed kitten, even when she talked to her friends. She just looked… lost and confused.

She turned away from me and headed over to a group of men standing by our case and looking at it. "Traffic cops," I muttered. They always wanted to run with the big dogs. I remember one of them gave me my first ticket EVER because I paused a little too long at a stop sign. After ten minutes of trying to explain to him that I was looking for my phone, to no avail, he gave me my ticket and kept moving.

"She's new, Barba-give it a rest." I heard Olivia. I stopped pouring my drink and looked over at the woman behind me. She glanced back at me, gauging my expression, then looked back over to the young detective surrounded by other cops. She wrote hard and fast as they talked.

"I'm not mad at her." Olivia gave me a look. I sighed and took a sip of my coffee, the bitter taste made my head hurt. I glanced down at the hard liquid with keen suspicion before looking back up at Olivia. "I don't want to do this, Olivia. I don't want to sing. I don't want to-"

"Why not?" She asked, turning her body to face me. "You are a wonderful singer, Rafa. Let the world hear it."

"Because that's not what it says in my job description." I snapped a little. "I'm a DA not a bar singer."

Olivia smiled at me playfully, placing her hands on her hips. "Theodosia didn't care. She's down for it."

"That's because Theodosia is a rookie and no one really cares about what rookies think."

I took another sip of my coffee, watching Olivia run that through her mind over the brim. "That's probably true, but that's not all. She likes to sing."

"Can she even sing?" I asked. "I mean, she has that accent and she's deaf-"

"You'll be surprise, Rafi." Olivia looked over to Theodosia. Her dark hair was falling out of her hat, but she didn't seem to mind. She was going to work with that pen and that paper. I admire the way she wrote everything down like they were reciting the Bible. "She's more than just the Deaf Girl."

"I'm sure." I admitted. "But I don't know her."

"So get to know her!" Olivia urged. "Take her out for some coffee. Get a donut. Take her to your office."

I stared into those beautiful brown eyes that I fell so deeply in love with when I first saw them. They were the most beautiful thing in the world to me. Olivia was the most beautiful thing in the world to me.

I glanced back at Theodosia, who was getting up. She looked over and our eyes locked. For a moment there, I could have sworn she blushed a little, but she turned away too quickly for me to be sure.

"Well, I was not expecting that."

A few of the cops told me that they had seen Gina arguing with a customer a few weeks prior. I was not sure if that was important but they described the man as white, late forties, and balding but too afraid to admit it. I supposed that meant he was balding but like a true thug from the suburbs, he combed-over that joint. I would later find out that my assumption was correct.

When I was done taking statements, I went to get up from my chair. I looked up, just briefly to see Barba looking at me with Olivia by his side. There was a small smirk on her face but he looked dumbfounded. Suddenly, I found myself insecure and I turned away from him.

I didn't like when people stared at me because in my mind, there was nothing to stare at.

On a side note, when trying to visualise what Theo looks like, just think of a skinnier, browner version of me.


	6. Greek Vs Italian

When Fin and Carisi came back to the precinct, I knew something was amidst. Benson called us, to include Barba, into Interview Room A. I stood at the back of the room, not wanting to insert myself where I don't belong. It was my first day and while I was ready for action, I didn't know anything. Looking back on it, I feel like they just threw me into the shark tank and left me there to swim. There were no sharks around, yet, but very big fish were starting to come. I felt like something was going to go down, but not quite sure when or how. I should have taken that as a sign from a higher power, but I didn't listen. I wish I had listened.

The others went back and forth, tossing ideas at each other like a hot potato. Each time the idea came to Olivia, she would spike it down like it was a volleyball. Nothing was going to work. Nothing, and even I could see that. Nothing was going to work but Barba and I going undercover. Barba was a DA and I was a rookie and together, we made one decent ass cop.

"He's only interested in _good_ singers," Carisi interjected. He didn't seem to understand why Olivia was so adamant on us. I guessed that he had never heard me sing on YouTube before. Not that I blamed him, I only had a following of four hundred people. "He wouldn't even talk to us."

"But we have good singers." Olivia protested.

"Who?!" Carisi straightened up and pointed at me. "A young, deaf woman who looks like an old teenager and Barba?! A DA from the Bronx?!"

"Don't put me down too quickly, now, Carisi." Barba teased.

Carisi rolled his eyes and settled in his chair. "What do they know about music?"

"More than you." I said a little too loudly. The room looked at me.

"What did you say?"

I looked at Olivia, begging her for help with my eyes. She just allowed me to explain myself. My eyes darted over to Carisi, who looked taken aback by my sudden comment. He and I were hitting it off well and I was about to mess that up because I couldn't keep my big mouth shut.

"Nothing," I muttered to myself.

"No," Carisi seemed to be getting a little too annoyed at this. "Speak up! You know more about music than the grandson of an Italian bar singer?!"

"My grandfather was a Greek opera singer…" The room went silent, even Olivia looked at me. I felt my cheeks burn and made my eyes move to my shoes. "My father is mixed race; his mother is a black American and my grandfather is Greek."

"Name." He demanded.

"Uh… Apollo-"

"Alekis?!" Rollins piped up.

I eyed her a little. "Yes…"

Fin looked at her. "How do you know him?!"

"He was like the most famous Greek Opera singer in the world!" Rollins wanted to know more. "You look a lot like him! How didn't I know this at first?!"

"I don't know?" I then added. "I think I look like a mozzarella stick."

"Yep," Fin said. I looked up and found him peeking in on Carisi's phone.

The look on Carisi's face was shattering. How could he compete with the daughter of an opera singer? I had more experience in music than he did, but he was much better at other things than I was. I was just okay at singing, my grandfather could have sung me under the table. I miss him…

"You look like him." Fin gestured to his eyes. "The eyes are the same."

"Well, if we are all done peeking into the genetic life of our newest member, can we get back on topic!" Olivia interrupted.

Carisi shoved his phone back in his pocket but I could tell he was still feeling some type of way about what had just happened. I felt bad for him; being from a musical background must have been something he had over the other detectives and there I was, barging in like I owned the place, and snatched that crown away from him. I would be pissed to.

Olivia turned to Barba and I, snapping me back into reality. "We are going to talk to Jamal Akins. We are going undercover."

"Olivia-"

"I don't want to hear it, Barba!" She put her hand. "I don't care! You are a part of this team whether you work in the mud like us or you work in the office."

Barba glanced at me before walking out the door and for the second time that day, I cringed when I heard the door slam shut behind him. I didn't know what his issue was; if he was a good singer or if he wanted to catch the bad guy- why not just swallow your pride and do it? There had to be more to this story than him being a brat.


	7. Jamal Akins

_Before anyone asks me, Apollo Alekis is not a real Opera singer as far as I can tell._

 _Now, let's continue_

Beads jangled as I pushed through the doorway that led into Jamal Akin's office. Behind us, was a lady singing so off key that I wanted to punch myself in the face. If this Jamal guy was looking for good singers, he couldn't have possibly picked a worse one. Either that, or he didn't know music.

As we approached the door to his office, a young lady came stumbling out. She leaned against the wall, bending over a little. I looked at her, hoping she would look up and tell us what was wrong but she didn't. What she did do was drop a little white packet and quickly pick it up. It was at that moment, I knew what she was and I knew a little more about this Jamal character.

Barba leaned into my ear before we entered the room. Olivia walked in front of us, pretending to be our manager. I could smell Barba, the familiar scent of cologne filled my nose and I felt a little safer in an environment that smelled of cigarettes, hairspray, regrets, and bad sex.

"Whatever he says, don't answer unless Olivia tells you otherwise, do you understand me?" I looked at Barba and nodded. His blue eyes searched my face for something and when he didn't find it, he looked over to Olivia and nodded once. With that signal, Olivia did a quick rap on the wall of the open office.

There was a shuffle before someone answered.

"Yo!"

Olivia gestured with a low hand for us to walk in. I followed after Barba, his hand out a little as if to protect me from Jamal. As soon as I walked in, I knew Jamal didn't know who any of us were; he looked at us like we were total strangers. A cigarette smoked on the ashtray and his nasty feet laid on the desk in front of him. The entire bar gave me a bad seventies feel.

He eyes me a little before turning his attention to Olivia.

"Can I help you?" He sounded like he came straight from the suburbs. I think Olivia caught that as well because I saw her mouth twitch upwards.

"I hear you are looking for new singers."

"And who told you that?" Jamal shot at us. He was already on his guard.

I watched as he picked up the cancer stick on his desk and took a long drag from it. He blew it out in my general direction and at that moment, I had never wanted to pop someone in the nose as much as I wanted to do that then. How dare he treat me like I was nothing?!

I think Barba knew what I was going to do because he took hold of my fist. Jamal saw this. "You two a couple?"

Before I could protest, Olivia chimed in. "Yes!" I wanted to kill her. "Yes, they are." I didn't even know the guy and I looked young enough to be his daughter or a much younger sister who was somehow Cuban.

"Nice." Jamal winked at Barba. He then turned his attention back to Olivia. "What makes you think I need new singers?"

"Because the one you have out there sounds like ass," I said. I already didn't like this guy because he lied about the relationship he and Gina had and I hated him even more for blowing smoke in my face. I felt Barba's hand tighten around my fist.

Jamal looked at me for a little bit before taking a drag of his smoke. He blew it out towards the window. I see he respected me more because the man he perceived to be my boyfriend was trying not to have me commit murder.

"You funny."

"I try to be sometimes." I entertained the compliment.

Jamal shifted in his seat, lowering his feet to the floor. "Yeah, Betty does sound like crap, but the boys like her."

"Boys?" I already knew what was going through Olivia's head; the same thing was going through mine. Did this man have underage people coming and working here?

"Not actual boys," he corrected, sensing our concern. "I mean men who act like boys. Grown ass men who are too cucked to take the leadership role in bed with their women."

"Cucked, you say?" I pressed.

"Yeah, cucked." Ie looked me up and down and I suddenly felt like throwing up. He wasn't ugly, but he was a creep. "Do you let Señor Macho here take the role in bed?"

I paused. I had never had sex before. I didn't let anyone sleep in my bed-hell, I barely had a bed.

"Sometimes," Barba lied. I could tell he was starting to feel the same way I was feeling: weird.

Jamal smirked a little. He pointed his smoke at Barba. "Stay like that. Be the man you have to be. All these other bitches-they don't know how to take care of a man. So we have ladies here that would do that for them."

"You run a prostitution ring? I thought this was a bar." Olivia was a little taken aback by that.

Jamal quickly leaned forward and I saw Barba almost reach out to grab her. Jamal didn't notice this. "Who said I can't have two jobs, sweet thing?"

Jamal and Olivia stared at each other for what seemed like forever. I think it just felt like that because my head was starting to spin from all the smells in one what could have been five seconds to five minutes of cringe-worthy silence, Olivia broke it with a small smirk on her face. Jamal smiled too and leaned back in his seat. He pulled a card from his desk drawer and handed it to Olivia.

"Give me a call if you want to do business."

Olivia graciously took the card.

"Thank you." She tucked the card into the front pocket of her jeans. "We'll be in touch."

Olivia led Barba and me out the room, down the hall, past the beaded door shield, past the off-key singing lady, and out the door. As soon as we were free, Barba dropped my fist and walked to catch up to Olivia. I trailed behind them, looking around. It was colder than it was that morning and I was sure my breath could turn into icicles.

"THEO! LET'S GO!" I looked to see Olivia and Barba getting into the car we came in. I walked a little faster but tried not to fall on the ice, to catch up with them.

Now, we had to figure out what else to do.


	8. Cody Tyler

I jammed my shoulder against the apartment door. My damn key was stuck again and I was not planning on talking to my do-nothing landlord. I sighed and stopped to rub my arm after the third shove. Yanking my key out of the door I tried the knob on last time before I heard another door slam shut behind me.

"You locked out or something?" I dared not turn around. His voice was cute, probably some college student who was just crashing there for the semester. He probably thought I was cute from behind, which most people did, but as soon as I turned around he would run away like a child. "Hello?"

I sighed and let go of my doorknob. I turned to face the man who was smiling. His smile didn't seem to waiver when he saw me. I looked down at my shoes, trying not to blush at his icy blue eyes and curly dark hair.

"Yes…" I said quietly. "My door is stuck."

The man laughed a hearty laugh as he walked around me and across the hall to my door. He jiggled the knob a little then asked for my key. Hesitantly, I placed it in his hand. He turned back around, but not before flashing me a quick smile, and placed the key in the hole. I was afraid he was going to break my key because he was too busy talking to me.

"The key is…" He continues to jiggle the doorknob. "Is to… jiggle and turn." He did that same motion and the door flung open. He pulled my key out and turned to face me. "My door does the exact same thing. We ought to ban everyone together and demand Sam to fix the doors." Sam was our landlord. "The name is Cody. Cody Tyler."

Cody stuck his hand out at me. I took it quickly. It was so soft; like the skin was going to fall off if I squeezed it too tight. I had never seen Cody before a day in my life at that moment. I knew a new person had moved in across the hall but that was a few months ago. I smiled at him.

"Theodosia Welsh." I felt my cheeks heat up. "Nice to meet you."

Cody let go of my hand and handed my key back. "Theodosia? Huh. That's an odd name, but it's pretty cute." He then added. "I bet you like _Hamilton_." I mean I did like _Hamilton_ , but it wasn't because my name was Theodosia. It was a good musical. Cody smirked a little. "I have never seen you before. What is a pretty girl like you doing living in a raggedy place like this?"

"I could ask the same of you." I had no idea what came over me. I was usually shy around cute boys because I was never on their radar. However, Cody was so nice to me and we had just met. He brought out the snarky asshole in me.

He laughed, shifting his weight on his legs and folding his arms across his broad chest. He worked out, perfectly toned. "I'm a Fine Arts major at Pratt. I moved here because I don't really want to stay in Maryland and take classes online."

I stuttered. "P-Pratt?"

"Yeah." He wrinkled his eyebrows together. "You go there or something?'

"No, I've been out of college for...a long while now, but I wanted to go-once upon a time."

"Oh." Cody smiled. "You draw?"

"A little." I draw a little and a sing a little. I'm the best in the arts. "But I looked at my portfolio and saw other people who were rejected and found me doubting myself."

"Ah, doubt." Cody echoed. "The killer of dreams."

"I mean, I was rejected too, but yeah, doubt."

That made him laugh a little more. "You're funny."

"So I have been told," I said, remembering what Jamal said earlier.

He laughed again before looking down the hall. No one was there but I could tell he wanted to go and I needed to go inside and study this case. He was fun to talk to, but I had work to do. Cody looked back at me, his icy eyes searched my face for something.

"Well, I've got to go. I have an interview in an hour." He then added. "It was nice meeting you, Theodosia. We should hang out sometime."

And at that moment my heart started to flutter. This random cute guy asked me to hang out with me. I didn't want to jump to conclusions, but I couldn't help but blush a little. I don't think he noticed that.

"Yeah, we should." I finally said.

"Great." Cody started to walk away from me. "See ya around."

I watched as Cody walked down the hallway. He popped open the rusty door that led to the stairwell. Before he left, he turned to me and waved. I, of course, waved back and watched him disappear into the stairwell. When he was gone, I let out a sigh and walked into my apartment, closing the door behind me.

 _This one is not quite as long but it is paramount to the plot of the story. Thank you to all those who have come this far and I hope you continue to read further._


	9. Barba Talks with Olivia

I sat with Olivia, my head resting in my hand as she read through the case. I don't know if she saw me looking at her or not, but if she did, she was doing a great job ignoring me. I wanted to talk about something other than this case, something that only we would talk about. Noah was in bed and Lucy was gone; we could talk about anything.

Olivia didn't look up as she reached over to grab her glass of wine. She didn't look up when she took a sip of the aforementioned wine and placed it on the table. She didn't look up when she turned the page in the file over. She didn't notice me at all. I saw the lines of confusion appear on her face as she studied whatever she was looking at.

THAT WAS IT! I couldn't take it.

I took a sip of my scotch and started to cough. It was more like me clearing my throat but it got her to look up at me. Her eyes danced in the light of the room as she contorted her face into a "what is the matter with you?" look.

"I'm fine. Just clearing my throat."

"Oh. Okay." She brought her attention back to the paper. "What do you think about Welsh?"

"The Deaf Girl?"

Olivia looked up at me. "Really, Barba? You know her name."

"What is it? Theodora or something?"

"Theodosia." Olivia corrected me.

I straightened up. "That's what I said. Thelma." Olivia was going to say something else, but I continued. "She's alright, I guess. I haven't spent much time with her. I literally just met the girl."

"She's your partner."

"I don't have a law firm, Olivia." I shot back. "I don't have a partner."

"You know what I mean." Olivia brought her attention back to the file.

"Can we not talk about the case?" I finally said.

Olivia looked up once more. She must have seen the look on my face because she closed the file and placed it on the table. Instead, she brought out her phone and the wine glass. I then had her undivided attention. I blushed a little, my eyes darted to my glass of scotch.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"I dunno." I fiddled with the question in my mind all day. "Are you single?" I had to ask. My eyes trailed up to see Olivia looking at me with a stunned gaze. Her mouth hung open as if she was in mid-sentence when I cut her off. The wine in her wine glass was the only in a thing moving. The only thing telling me she was not frozen solid.

My eyes lowered and settled on a picture of Noah and her at the zoo in DC. It was taken a few weeks after Sheila had taken him. They needed that break and to this day, I don't think they know I paid for that entire trip. They thought the entire squad did but, nope, it was me.

"Sorry."

"Don't be." Olivia finally said. I looked up at her, a small smile was on her face. "And to answer your question, Rafa, I am single."

I raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah. I am." She sighed and looked at the same picture of Noah that I did. "And I think I'm going to stay like that for a little while. I don't want anything to interrupt the time I have with Noah, right now. I just…" She trailed off. I knew her mind was going back to that day. I reached over, lightly touching her hand, to bring her back to reality. Sheila was going to trial and I was not going to leave her. We were in this together: she, me, the entire squad; we were all going to be okay. Olivia gave shuttered inhale, her eyes shiny with tears. "I just want to be his mommy, right now. I don't want to be anyone's girlfriend."

"I understand." I did understand, as painful as that was, I understood that she wanted to just focus on Noah. I would have done the same thing if my child was... heh. My child…

Olivia wiped her eyes. "Don't get me wrong, Rafa. I think you're beautiful and in another world, I would be all over you. But I can't right now. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize to me." I cooed. "You're a mom, this is your life. I'm just blessed to be in it."

She looked into my eyes, a small smile on her face. It was the look of pure love, I've seen her look at Noah the same way. Olivia just loved... everyone. She leaned over and kissed my cheek before pulling back. For a moment there, I thought she had changed her mind; she almost stopped when she pulled back from me, her eyes lingering on my lips, but a small smirk came upon her face.

Olivia settled in her seat and picked up another folder.

"Come on, tell me about the trial with Sheila…"

I think she wanted to the stop talking about the case too.


	10. Fin in the House (revised)

The speaker in my kitchen blasted a concert my grandfather sang in. No matter my skin color, I was still a proud to be of Greek descent. I heard the cheering of the crowd through the recording and it made me smile a little as I flipped through the file on my bed. I had a long shower when I got home and my hair was already twisted for the night. I wasn't planning on leaving my room that night. Outside, I heard cars and people. New York was really the city that never slept. It was wildly different than Baltimore because at least people there had the decency to stop yelling after a certain time.

I looked over at my clock on my side table and yawned. It was a little close to nine and I would soon have to pack it in before bed. I sat up and look at my bare walls and my bare room. A bed, a desk, and dresser were the only things that made my room look like a room. That and a window to the right of my bed, the same side I always slept on. I have spent many nights looking out that window, wondering about the lives of other people in the city. It was the only thing I could do to keep my mind off my loneliness.

I was about to pack it in when I heard a knock on the door. I spun around and raised my eyebrow at the entrance to my living room. I waited. About two seconds had gone by when I heard the door knock again. I groaned as I pushed off my bed and slumped to my feet. Dressed in a pair of shorts and a tee shirt, I padded my way to the door and looked out the peephole. Standing there was Fin. He was dressed in a heavy coat, his hat pulled down low over his eyes and his hands in his pockets. I sighed and looked at the door, yanking hard on it to open up.

"Odafin."

"Without asking, Fin barged into my house as if he owned the place. I sighed again and closed the door behind him. I turned around and found myself watching a rather annoyed Fin fondle his way through my cabinets.

"Are you looking for something?" I asked, more in a condescending, "get the hell out of my apartment" way. Fin slammed the door to my cabinets and turned to me. Some glasses jingled in there and I found myself almost running to check on them. They were the only "household" things in my place. It turned out they were fine, but at that point, I was clearly annoyed. "What do you want?"

"Wine, now." He demanded, rounding the corner of my wobbly table and taking a seat.

I stared at him. "I don't drink, Odafin. You know that."

"Then what do you have?"

"The blood of Jesus Christ." I took a seat next to him. "What's the matter, cousin?"

Yep, you heard that right, Fin and I are cousins. No one in the squad knew that at the time; he wanted to act like he didn't know me so he wouldn't be seen as favoring me, but on the low, I think Rollins knew, whether or not she was okay with it was something she would have to tell Fin. A work we were strangers becoming friends, at home, it was almost a brother-sister relationship.

"I hate you."

I stared blankly at Fin for a second. "What?"

"I hate you."

"Well damn."

Fin fiddled with a spoon I had left on the counter from dinner. How I missed it when I was washing dishes was something I would never understand. I waited for him to say something and when it never came, I took the lead.

"Can you explain to me what the hell is going on? If not, get out of my house; we do have work in the morning."

I saw how you looked at Barba today." Now, I was confused and a little bit insulted. "He belongs to Olivia, Theo."

"Excuse me, I didn't look at Barba any type of way and I didn't know a person could still belong to someone." I rebutted. "I believe that was once called Slavery, Fin."

Fin gave me a dark look. "Look, I want you to fit in but you need to chill."

"Chill?" I raised an eyebrow almost meanly. "What do you mean 'chill'?"

"I mean, by the way you spoke to Carisi today."

"He asked and you all encouraged me. It was my first day and I don't know you all's temperaments."

"You made him feel bad."

"I can't help it if my grandfather was a famous opera singer. You know as well as I do that he wasn't the best person in the world"

"And yet you still miss him?"

"I stared at Fin angrily; he was starting to piss me off. It was at that moment I realized my grandfather's concert in Athens was still playing. I got up from my seat and walked over to the stereo, turning the music all the way down.

"You are a new detective and it is your job to get along with everyone and not start drama."

"I wasn't starting drama!" I spun around. "You are the one that came to my place and started this mess. I was being honest, isn't that what my job is? Honesty. Isn't that why you hired me?" I wasn't finished and Fin knew that. He let me rant. "If Carisi feels some type of way because I made him feel small in front of his peers, I'm sorry. I can't help that but I will tell him I am sorry when I see him tomorrow. And if Olivia feels threatened because I glanced at Barba when he was talking- I can't help that either. The dude is decades older than me ANYWAY!"

"So you aren't attracted to him?"

"As far as I'm aware, no. I'm not. Welcome to my life, Fin! I don't find every older guy I meet to be freaking cute! You piss me off sometimes..."

Fin stared at me. After a while, he got up and walked to the door. He was about to open it when he turned around to face me. "I don't hate you, I just hate how you are presenting yourself."

"And how is that?"

"Like a know-it-all." He then added. "You're better than this, Theo. Don't mess it up like last time; I won't be there to save you this time."

"You won't or you can't?"

"Both."

And that was that. Fin left my apartment, jamming the door closed behind him. I stood in the kitchen, dumbfounded because I had no idea what had just happened. I was trying so hard to change my ways but magic can't happen overnight. Frustrated, I snatched the spoon from the table and threw it in the sink. I sulked all the way to my bedroom and got ready for bed. I could hear a car start as I placed my file on the nightstand.


	11. Rude Girl

Author's Notes: _For those who saw the glitch in chapter ten, just know that I have fixed it and you are able to read it. If anything like that happens again, don't be afraid to shoot me a review or message and I will fix it as soon as I can. My sole purpose here is to make this reading experience enjoyable and easy for you._

 _Have a great day._

 _M. Robinson_

 _(Story continues below)_

Carisi walked right past my desk even though I was sure he saw me trying to get his attention. I watched him disappear into Benson's office. I didn't think it was that big of a deal; for god's sake, I am a deaf girl! I don't even know what would be happening outside any office I was in. Barba walked past me as well and right when I expected him to not pay me any mind, he stopped. I, at first, didn't notice him but the shadow of a dark figure standing by my desk grabbed my attention. I looked up to see Barba, with no expression on his face, staring down at my paper. I couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"You're handwriting is… interesting." He said. I saw Rollins stifle a smile and suddenly felt my cheeks heat up. I looked down at the desk and thanked the man for his comment. "Are you busy this evening?"

"No, why?"

"Because I want to go over the case together."

I then felt Wisdom's eyes on my back. He was covered in snow but was walking in to talk to Benson.

I laughed dryly, not sure how to respond to this. "Olivia hasn't- she hadn't told us anything about the case yet."

"She wants us to take up jobs at Jamal's company." _Well, that was to the point_ , I remember thinking. I guess he had to be that way since he was a lawyer. "So, the question still stands, do you want to work together on the case this evening?"

I looked at my clock. It was half past noon and work was going slow. I lifted my gaze back to Barba but his expression remained the same, he was waiting patiently for me to answer his question. "Sure." I finally said.

"Good." That was it. Barba walked away and I looked around like an idiot because I had no idea what had just occurred. Little did I know that was going to be the evening my whole life changed.

I turned around to see Wisdom by the printer. His eyes darted to the object when we met.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothin'."

I stood up and walked over to him. I stood close, bursting his bubble like I have always done when trying to make him smile. I saw the corner of his mouth twitch upwards and I knew I was succeeding.

"You sure nothing is wrong?"

Wisdom looked at me, a smile wanting to spread across his face like a rash. Dimples were forcing their way onto his cheeks- honestly, he was a nice looking fellow. Of course, I never told him that. His hair was a nice curly blond, freckles stained his face, and his eyes were like grass on a summer day. The only thing that was different about him, that made him different, was the large port wine stain around his right eye. When we had first met, that was a source of insecurity.

"Yeah," He said, my eyebrows raised. "I'm fine, really."

I studied his face, looking for any trace of deception. It was there but I felt it wasn't my place to try and press the issue; Wisdom was my friend and when he was ready to tell me what his problem was, he would tell me. He had gone through this before- when his ex-girlfriend broke up with him after two years of dating. He was heartbroken about it for a week before he told me. I figured this would be the same thing.

I was on my way back to my seat when I heard someone call my name. Spinning around, I found Olivia looking at me. She looked determined; ready for the world. I looked at Rollins and Fin, who looked back at me with the same confused stare I had. Olivia motioned for me to come to her and, though I wanted to run away, I did... tentatively.

Inside Benson's office, I found my eyes drawn to her desk. It was different; the focal point of the wooden craft was a picture of the same curly haired kid and her at the zoo in DC. Last time it was just the kid.

"The National Zoo?" I asked, pointing at the picture.

Olivia looked at the picture as she took her seat. "Yeah. Noah loves the meerkats."

"Me too!" I was too excited about that. Olivia gave me a look, which made me clear my throat and straighten my clothes. "Sorry, I was just... my parents always thought the meerkats were ugly creatures, most people do, but I think they are beautiful." I continued, trying to fill the air with something other than the awkward silence that would have followed my outburst. Looking around, I didn't see Carisi. "Where's Carisi?"

"On a break," Olivia said, straightening out the files on her desk. "Theo, you have an interesting personality." I wanted to say something, but Olivia silenced me with her hand. "When I first met you, you couldn't look me in the eye; you were so scared. Now, though I could tell you are overwhelmed, you seem to show courage."

"Thank you, ma'am." I smiled a little.

"Oh, don't thank me yet." I knew where this was going. Fin must have been trying to warn me last night because Olivia told him she was going to have to talk to me. "I know you were trying to help yesterday but you didn't need to be so blunt with Carisi. He had a hard life growing up and he is just as proud as being Italian as you are being-"

It was my turn to talk. "With all due respect, Ms. Benson, I don't understand why Carisi is mad. I never said anything that was mean or hateful; I was just stating a fact. My grandfather is a singer, I know music more than Carisi-."

"That's just the thing, honey." Olivia cleared up. "You don't know how much Carisi knows and to assume so because of your history is-"

"I understand," At least I thought I did. "I won't happen again."

Olivia seemed to be pleased with that answer. She leaned back in her chair and changed the subject. "Barba and you are going back to Jamal's place."

"Are you not coming?"

"No." She shook her head. "I'm a mother and a Sargeant- I don't go undercover anymore." She beamed.

"So who is going to play our manager?"

Olivia snapped her fingers at me. "I'm happy you asked." She opened the file to a picture.

I walked over to her desk and looked down to see the portrait of an elderly man, but still healthy and strong. His ears were pretty big and his white hair was just sitting on top of his head, almost like a hat. He wasn't bad looking, seeing as he was higher up in age than I would typically be attracted to. I looked at the picture a little longer before looking up at Olivia. The same smile still on her face; she almost looked like a schoolgirl.

"Who is this?"

"Jonathon Munch." I raised my eyebrow. When I had heard the name Munch the first time I worked at that place, I could not put a face to his name. I had run through so many facial combinations but none stuck. I looked back at the picture. "He retired a few years back, but he's going to help you."

"A retired cop?"

"Yes." Olivia closed the file. "You'll like him, I promise you. He's easy to work with and Barba knows him."

I stared at Oliva doubtfully. After a while, I took a breath and nodded my head.

"Alright, alright. If this is what you want."

"It is." I nodded my head again. "That's all, Theo."

I walked towards the door but stopped. I was only inches away from the knob but something Olivia said to me had been gnawing at my soul. I turned around, placing my hand on the knob. Olivia looked up at me, with an eyebrow raised.

"Ms. Benson, you mentioned Carisi having a hard life, right?"

"Right."

"Well, he's not the only one, but I don't go around feeling bad about it."

With that, I pulled the door opened and walked out.


	12. The Apology (revised)

_**Author's Note** : I'm SO sorry. I haven't written a Fanfiction in a long time so I am a little rusty. Any mistakes that have been made are not on purpose. I am still relearning how to use this site and I would love if you could be patient with me. If you see anything that I need to fix, please feel free to tell me. This story is not over. _

_And to increase the quality of the story, I will probably only put out two chapters at a time. This will allow you to continue reading and me to edit and review what I have already written. If you have comments or concerns, my inbox is always free._

 _On another note, should Fanfiction mess up again on this chapter by not bolding the flashback, I will let you know that the sentence where it says, "I looked back at him..." is where the flashback ends._

 _Again, I'm so sorry and it will never happen again (I hope.)_

The day had come and went and I was standing in the front of the precinct looking for Barba. Snow was piled everywhere and though it looked insane outside, it had finally stopped snowing. The winters in New York were vastly different than the winters in Maryland-despite us both being located near the sea. New York was further up north, while Maryland was down south and closer to the equator. I looked around, not wanting to leave I knew for sure Barba wasn't going to show.

People were leaving, Rollins gave me a quick hug while Fin slapped me on the back like an older cousin would do. Carisi was still at his desk, writing paperwork, but I did have a conversation with him earlier. It went something along the lines of:

 _ **"Carisi?"**_

 _ **"What?"**_

 _ **"I'm sorry about yesterday. I'm not good with people and I say things that I don't think about in advance. I didn't mean for you to feel bad about your heritage. I find Italian heritage to be far more interesting than Greek life and the fact your grandmother was a bar singer reminds me of Humble Beginnings…" I trailed to a stop because I received a dirty look from him. Clearing my throat, I revised. "Like I said, I talk too much, but I'm sorry."**_

 _ **Carisi's face shifted to a softer look. It was the look of, "damn, I really messed up." I watched as he shifted his weight to look at me. "I shouldn't have been so upset but I was just jealous. I wanted to be something as special as you."**_

 _ **"What?"**_

 _ **"Apollo Alekis?!" He was a little like Rollins there. His eyes widen in awe. "That's like music royalty in Greece and in America."**_

 _ **"I remember rubbing the spot where it hurt the most. "I-I-It really isn't that big of a deal. He and I had a… different type of relationship."**_

 _ **"Still, I would have killed to be held in high regard because of my grandfather. All he did was mine coal for a living. You should be proud."**_

 _ **"If we want to talk pride, I'm more proud of the slaves I came from than my grandfather." I then realized I may have said too much. My eyes darted to Carisi and I could tell a question was starting to form on his lips. "But yeah, I'm sorry."**_

 _ **A small smile formed instead of a question and inside, I let out a sigh of relief. Carisi stuck his hand out for me to shake, and shake I did. "Friends?" He asked.**_

 _ **"Of course and always will be." I smiled before picking up my coat and turning to meet Wisdom at the door. We were heading to a local diner for lunch.**_

I looked back to see him working diligently on his paperwork. He didn't notice me looking at him, but Olivia did. She had come out of her office, putting her coat on as she got ready to leave. We made eye contact and a smile formed on her face. She touched Carisi's shoulder in a sign of goodbye before walking towards me.

"Waiting for Wisdom?" She asked, digging in her purse as she approached.

"No, Barba." Olivia stopped walking and looked up at me. I suppose Fin was right; the look Olivia gave me told me she had feelings for Barba. I took a step back and looked out the window. "Cold night," I diverted.

It took her a second to come back together. "Y-yeah. Yeah, it is."

"Bundle up and be safe out there." Olivia looked at me, almost like she didn't trust me. I smiled wide at her, giving the most innocent face I could muster. It wasn't working; she still didn't trust me.

"Yeah." Was all she said as she walked out the door. I watched as she carefully walked through the snow and ice to her car, which was closest to the building. She got in, but not before casting another look at me. I averted my gaze to my phone and pretended I had a text message. Thinking back on this, that wasn't the best thing to do.

I waited some more, feeling the minutes tick by and hearing a little voice inside my head saying, "he's not coming, Theo. He's not coming. Go home." It was a reasonable thing to do and I was just about to do that when-

"Tianna?" I knew that voice. I turned around to see Barba, dressed in a heavy overcoat and carrying a suitcase. He looked at me with furrowed brows, seeing as to how I was about to leave the building. "Aren't we having a meeting?"

"Yeah." I smiled friendly. "And my name is Theodosia, actually."

"Thank you, Tamera." I looked at Barba as he walked past me. "We're going to my office."

"Office?" I ran to catch up with him. As soon as the door opened, I was blasted with the dry cold air of New York Winter; the same type of air as that in Baltimore. I almost slipped, only catching myself by gripping the ice cold lamp pole. My car was literally right in front of me but my near-death accident made me a little more than weary. Barba looked up from his driver side window of his car and raised an eyebrow. "Yes?" I said as if I wasn't holding on to a lamp pole for dear life. "Can I help you?"

"What are you doing?"

"Stretching," I laughed a little. "I almost slipped and fell so I'm using the lamp pole for balanced."

Barba looked at me quizzically before sighing, his breath visible in the air. "Can you hurry up? I have… things to do." he got into his car, slamming the door behind him. I watched as he started the car and watched me struggle to get to my car.

"I stretched one leg out as far as it could reach before hurling myself off the lamp pole and onto the hood of my car. Was it stupid? Yes. Did it work? Yes. Did it keep me from falling flat on my ass? Yes. I traced the outside of my car to the front door and opened it. It was freezing inside this old model car that needed more work than it was worth, but at least I was out of the dangerous cold.


	13. First Conversation With Barba

I followed along with Barba's eyes as he glided through the file with ease. I had a hard time keeping up with him as we read together, an issue I had since my childhood, so I chose to do what I wanted. For the past twenty minutes, I watched as Barba read silently to himself and not once had he look up to address me. I actually had the feeling that he didn't want me around. Not that I wanted to be there, I would have much rather been in my apartment listening to piano music and drinking warm milk.

I closed my file a too little loudly, making Barba look up. His annoyance clearly written on his face like I was a fly buzzing around him. I had no idea what I did to him; I mean, at least with Carisi it was explained- a little.

"Is there something you need?" He asked me, dragging the letters out.

"Yeah," I said. "Why don't you like me?"

That caught Barba off guard. "What?"

"I mean, I'm not the easiest person to get along with but I don't even know you. How come you don't like me?"

"I don't even know you-"

"Nor I you, but I still am respectful." I then added. "I even smile at you when you walk past. You don't even know my name."

Barba closed his file, "Listen, Tawny-"

"It's Theodosia." I corrected.

Barba waved away my comment. "I'm strictly a professional person. If you want to make friends, I suggest you do that within your squad but-"

"You seem pretty close to Benson." Barba stopped talking. I assure you, Reader, I wasn't trying to be disrespectful when I said that; it was something that popped into my head. I was trying to refute what he had said. Barba looked at me with stunned blue eyes, his lips were parted a little, as if he wanted to say something but couldn't. I took that as my cue to continue. "Or is that a professional relationship, too?"

"You don't know what Olivia and I have been through-"

"Nor do you know what I have been through." I rebutted. "All I want is to be friends and if not friends, we can at least be cordial with each other. Since we are going undercover for a few days, I figured we could at least get to know it each other."

"I know your name, that's all I need to know."

"You don't even know that," I mumbled under my breath, my eyes drifting to the file in front of me. When I realized what I had said, I quickly looked up at a rather pissed off Barba. "I'll see myself out," I said, standing up to collect my stuff. Barba's eyes felt like daggers in my back as I walked through his office, grabbing my coat and my briefcase. I stopped by his door and turned to face him before opening it. Barba's face never changed. "I'm sorry if I insulted you. I tend to talk more than I think."

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ms. Welsh," Barba said as he got up from his desk, placing the file in his bag. He dismissed my apology like it didn't matter.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"I have a meeting with a friend."

"Really?" I looked at my phone. "It's almost eleven at night."

"Its close by," Barba said, not bothering to look up at me.

I watched as he grabbed his coat and threw it over his shoulders. He slid his arms through the sleeve and grabbed his phone, which laid on his desk. He never looked up at me. Snow had begun to fall again, I had noticed through the large window behind Barba's desk. I wasn't the best driver in bad weather and it was a pain trying to get to Barba's job with snow on the ground, and my old car was on its last leg. My heart thumped with dread.

"Are you okay?" Barba's innocent question snapped me out of my thoughts.

I nodded my head and pointed out the window. Barba turned around for a brief second then looked back at me. His brows came together quizzically.

"It's snowing."

"I see. What's the problem?"

"I just suck at driving in bad weather."

"Oh." Barba looked out the window again. "Be careful out there."

He looked at me with a waiting face, as if he was expecting me to continue telling him about my woes. I cleared my throat and tightened my grip on my briefcase. "Thank you," I said before walking out the door. "You too."


	14. I couldn't

Tamar Welsh was right; I had no reason to dislike her because she did nothing to me...but I did. I walked up the steps to Olivia's apartment, but my mind was on that young woman. Somehow she got under my skin like a worm; the way she looked, the way she talked, the way she sounded-the gargled yet cleared voice that was so recognizable. She said things under her breath but I didn't think she realized how loud she really was.

What annoyed me the most about her? Her struggle. FIn and I struggled because we came from bad areas, Tristina probably came from a good area and the only thing she had to deal with was being hard of hearing. She was technically not even deaf. I was sure I hated the fact that she walked around like she had struggled more than any when her grandfather was a freaking GREEK OPERA SINGER! That whole "you don't know what I have been through" line was tearing me apart because I was sure I had gone through worst; just by status and location.

I stood in front of Olivia's place with a takeout bag in my right hand and my left hand trying to free itself from my pocket. I didn't have to do much because Olivia had opened the door without me knocking, which told me she was waiting for me. She let me in and shut the door. I was greeted with a single candle on the coffee table and a dimly lit room. Confused and a little concerned, I turned to look at her, my eyebrows coming together.

"What's happening?" I cautioned. Olivia smiled… sensually at me before taking the bag out of my hand and taking it to the kitchen table. It was at that moment I realized she was wearing a very long tee shirt and probably nothing underneath it. She placed the bag on the table and went through it, as she did so, she looked up at me and gave me a tiny smile.

I placed my briefcase on the floor near the door. All I had come there to do was go over the case and talk as friends… though I was okay with this too. I was...really okay with this. However, something in my gut was telling me not to let this get too far. Something was wrong here. I looked around as I walked towards my dearest friend, "where's Noah?"

"Lucy took him to her place for the night."

"Really?" I asked, unbuttoning my coat. I couldn't stop staring at her neck; it was long and fine. It was drawing me closer to her. She knew that because she placed her hand on it and let it trace the side of it. I had to distract myself, I couldn't let her get to me and allow us to make a mistake I knew we would both would regret in the morning. I gestured to the bag, Olivia's eyes followed. "I broke shrimp fried rice and teriyaki chicken." Not authentic Chinese food, but it was the closest I was ever going to get while in America.

"We can eat that later…" Olivia traced the table as she came around to me, my heart started to pace faster than it would have done if I was running a marathon. I watched as she graced me with her fine legs. Small calves that looked elegant and straight-something I found beautiful. I found all of Olivia beautiful; her hair was pinned to the back of her head only making room for a few strains to dangle like frames on a picture. "I'm in the mood for something else right now."

Olivia placed a hand on the side of my face, her warm hand filling me with pleasure far past anything I had felt. I looked into her eyes and found something I was dreading, she was a little tipsy. I noticed a bottle of wine on the side table and my heart dropped. I took her hand, kissing her long fingers before dropping them to her side. Her face changed, from "please take me away" to "what's the matter with you?"

"Olivia, what's wrong?" I asked her.

"Nothing, Rafi. I did some soul searching and I… I want you."

I shook my head and looked at her with pity. "No you don't, somethings on your mind and you need to tell me about it. What's the matter?" Olivia sighed, her head dropping a little. She looked like a little girl standing like that. I lead her to the couch and sat with her. "What's going on?"


	15. Two More Points of View

(Theodosia's Point of View)

I found myself sprawled out in front of my apartment complex, my briefcase inches away from me, and my head aching like I was hit with a hammer. I looked up at the sky and sighed; there was nothing in the world that I hated more than that at that moment. I was about to get up when I heard the soft crunch of snow approach me, Cody appeared in my line of sight, an expression of confusion etched upon his face as he stared down at me.

"Everything okay down there? He asked.

"I fell."

"And you are just going to stay there?" He asked.

I weighed my options. "Don't seem like a bad idea."

"Other than the face you probably die from hypothermia." Cody stuck his hand out at me. "Here." I took it, grabbing my briefcase on the way up. Cody was about my height, a few inches away from six feet tall. His hands were warm in mine, his smile was warm- he was just warm. He carried a large bag with him with the "Michael's" on it. He followed my gaze to his bag and smiled a little wider. "I just came back from shopping."

"Shopping?" I asked as we headed into the building.

Cody held the door out for me. "Pratt University. Art student." He reminded me.

We walked in and the first thing I saw was Odelle standing at the Landlord's door. Odelle was my dope slinging upstairs neighbor who I thought killed people at the time just to pay, I'm still almost certain he is a trained killer. He glanced up at me and Cody as we walked past, his eyes examining everything that was happening between us. In an apartment building with only two types of people, Cody stuck out like a sore thumb. Odelle didn't say anything to us when we headed to the almost broken down elevator and he didn't say anything to me when Cody stepped in first, but before I could follow suit, he looked at me with judging eyes.

"Have a good night, Odelle," I called out.

"You too, miss," He said, turning his attention back to our landlord's door.

I stepped into the elevator and went up to my floor with Cody.

(Barba's Point of View)

I rubbed Olivia's shoulders. My mind was spinning; how could this beautiful woman think I was more attracted to a twenty-eight-year-old girl who was about as average looking as a potato than her. During our conversation, Olivia told me she had always had feelings for me, which was something I had wanted to hear, and when Tatianna told her she was waiting for me that night- her mind flipped.

"I know you are going to be working together but…" She lingered. "How could you not be attracted to her? She's adorable."

"Because I'm not, Liv." I protested. I wasn't attracted to her, she seemed smart and probably was a nice person when I got to know her but I wasn't attracted to her. Tina was just a woman who I knew and who I was going to work with. Olivia turned to look at me, her eyes burrowed in my soul; fishing for a sign of me lying. "I'm not lying, Liv. I'm not attracted to her."

"She's smart-"

"A smartass."

"She's articulate-"

"But I can barely understand her." I cleared up. "It's not the words she uses, but the way her voice sounds." Which brought me to another question. "Why are you allowing her to sing? Isn't she going to sound the same way she talks as she does singing?"

"Do you sound the same way you talk as you do singing?"

"Yes. I kinda do!" I shot back.

Olivia pushed me, her elbow jabbing me in my stomach as she did so. She reached under the couch to grab her computer and placed it on the coffee table in front of us. Empty wine glasses and Chinese food containers sprinkled the see-through glass table. She pulled up YouTube and typed in some underground channel name. As a result, there was a picture of a purple lipped mouth parted open behind a microphone as the icon for the channel.

"What is this?" I asked.

"Just wait."

She clicked on a video called, "Times like These-Cover." I waited as a black screen faded to color. There was Trina, sitting behind a hanging microphone with a keyboard in front of her. She smiled at the camera and it was the first time I noticed she had only one dimple in one of her cheeks. She looked a little younger in that video, around twenty-five or so, but she looked sick. Thinner than she was now, her cheekbones pushed through her skin like knives and I was surprised how she could be singing and playing the piano looking that small. She didn't have her hearing aids in yet, but she still sounded the same when she addressed the camera.

"Hi, I'm Theodosia Anna-Marie Welsh and today I'm going to be playing 'Times Like These' by The Eden Project." She said. She looked at the piano and started to play a three-corded melody. When she started to sing, I felt my eyes get wide. Her voice was so clear, so gentle-nothing like the way she talked: gargled and harsh. Her fingers traveled up and down the keyboard in such a fluid motion.

I notice Olivia smiling at me from the corner of my eye. I glanced at her, her eyes dancing in the light of the room; she looked as if she had just shown me up.

"She's good," I admitted.

"She used to sing in her church choir group."

"Church? Really?"

Olivia made a face. "Yeah. What about it?"

"I don't know..." I looked back at the screen. Tuna was just getting to the crescendo of the song and I was enjoying it since it was softer than the original song, which was my favorite song by him. It sounded more innocent that it was supposed to be sung, almost like she was hoping for a better day. It made me smile a little. "Trula doesn't look like the person who would go to church," I continued my statement.

"I don't know what her faith is now, but that's what she told me," Olivia replied. "And her name is Theodosia."

"Tammy told you that?" Olivia nodded. "Huh, when did this come up?"

"When I caught her singing in the Cribs." My eyebrows came together. "She was looking for something, don't ask me what. I'm glad we came upon her too, who knew we would need her."

I looked back at the video. The sound was trailing to an end, Tabatha's finger slowed down and lingered on a few last notes before coming to a stop altogether. She looked up from the keyboard and smiled at the camera. She looked almost abused like she hadn't eaten in three days. I had no idea what room she was in either, the walls were bare and there was only a single bed in the corner of the room. Even with all that, she still smiled with pure happiness.

"Yeah, who knew…" I said silently.

(Theodosia's Point of View)

"He calls you names that aren't yours?" I sat in my kitchen with Cody. It was late, like the next day kind of late but I was having too much fun with him. Cody was a different type of person; he made me laugh more than I thought I could. I had told him about Barba and he found a way to spin it to make me laugh. He was going through my cabinets, looking for cups to pour our soda in. He wasn't a drinker like me, but his reasons were more religious than mine. "Next time you see him, call him something that starts with a B."

"Like 'bastard'?"

Cody laughed as he brought two glasses over to me. "Maybe not that. Try 'Balto,' or 'Betsy' or-" Cody gasped with an idea. I watched his eyes light up, it almost made me want to laugh. "Babe-Ruth. Call him that; it would drive him crazy."

I smiled at him, taking the cup he had poured for me. I held it up to him, waiting for a cheer.

"To a new friendship," I said, clinking my glass against his. He repeated after me, a smile bigger than what I have seen plastered on his face.


	16. Munch

The next day, I waited in the Cribs with Barba and Olivia. They sat together, like, really close together—which was weird because I felt like I was impeding on their lives by being in the same room with them. Barba was on his phone and Olivia looked at the file with in her hand probably around ten times cover to cover. I had left my phone on my desk when I was called into the Cribs by Olivia. I was sitting on a rickety old bed with nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs like an old lady.

I started to hum, not loudly at first, just to past the time. I had no idea when this John Munch fellow was going to show up and for all I know, he could be hours away—why would Olivia send her hours waiting away in a hot ass room underneath the precinct, hidden away like a bunker, was something I didn't think about. I continued to hum, louder and louder until I was outright singing the words to myself. I don't even remember what the song was, rather I just knew it was starting to annoy both Barba and Olivia. They tried to ignore me, but after the next thirty seconds, Barba couldn't. Our eyes met, and I smiled a little, clearly, I didn't think it was as loud as they thought it was.

"The entire squad room can probably hear you." He commented.

"Sorry," I said shyly, cringing at how small my voice sounded.

Barba sighed with irritation and went back to his phone. A few more minutes past and I began to tap my toes on the floor. It was just something I did when I was waiting, it was like counting to ten when I walked; it was something I did when I wanted to pass the time. Again, Barba found this motion to be extremely annoying because he looked up at me one more time with a grimace on his face. I quickly stopped tapping and looked over my shoulder at the door.

"Where is he?" I asked Olivia.

"He's coming." She said patiently. "The man knows we're waiting for him."

I sighed and looked around. It hadn't been much longer when I heard the door open. I tossed my head over my shoulder and looked to see a tall, lanky man being led in by Fin. Fin smiled at us as the man with the sunglasses took two strides and made his way over to Barba and Olivia. He towered over them both, in my eyes, and grabbed them in a large hug. I had never seen a smile on Barba's face that was just of pure joy.

"John!" He exclaimed.

"Rafael," He studied Barba's face. "You look good." He then turned his attention to Olivia, who was on the verge of tears. I was behind the man, just as confused as ever; I had no idea who the hell that guy was nor where he came from. Fin stood by me and watched as Munch took Olivia up in another hug. "I haven't seen you in a long time, Benson."

"Its so good to see you, John," She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. I watched as Barba looked at her with the softest gaze. Olivia's eyes darted to me, making Munch turn around. He took his sunglasses off and stepped closer, his eyes never leaving my face. "This is Theodosia Welsh."

I held my breath; hoping that he wouldn't call me The Deaf Girl. Munch smiled at me and put up both hands. My eyes widen when I watched him sign, "it is very nice to meet you, Ms. Welsh."

I quickly raised my hands to respond. "You know ASL? When did you learn?"

"I learned for you." He answered in words. "I only know a few words, but I want you to know that I'm learning." I smiled, a little touched that this strange man would learn my language for a person he didn't even know. It was touching. Munch stuck out his hand for me to shake and sat down on the bed next to me. He looked at me, Fin, Barba, and I—trying to figure out where to start first. "What can I do for you?"

"We're going undercover," Barba started. "As singers."

"Really?" He looked at me. "You sing?" I nodded my head eagerly. He was so warm and nice that I didn't want to leave his side; he made me happy. It was as if I had a father figure in the place rather than just a cousin. "A deaf singer, now I have heard of everything."

"Hard of Hearing," Barba corrected. "She can still hear you."

There was a difference, yes, but when a hearing person called me deaf versus when they called me Hard of Hearing, I knew what they meant. Either way, I couldn't hear them in a normal setting. Most people aren't deaf, so they don't know the nuances that came with my community and with all the things I could teach them, this wasn't something to get triggered by.

"She can sing, John," Fin vouched for me.

Munch looked up at him. "I believe you." He looked over to Olivia. "So, what do you need me to do?"

"Be their manager. Watch out for them."

Munch made a face. "You know I'm retired, right?"

"Please, John!" Olivia pleaded.

Munch looked at Barba and me, his eyes lingered on my face a little longer than I wanted it to be. My cheeks began to heat up and I looked down at my shoes. Munch got up and walked over to the door.

"Munch?" Fin asked.

"Let me make some phone calls and see what I can do. Meet me back here later tonight so we can come up with a plan." He smiled at me one last time before walking out the door.

I turned back to Olivia. She was smiling; her face lit up with excitement while Barba was a little scared. He looked over to me, fear was clearly written in his eyes. I understood too because that was the day I realized this was not a game and I was really going to solve a crime.


	17. Checking Me Out

"I thought you were Hard of Hearing?" I watched Munch sign to me. It was a complex sentence, so I figured he must have found that from the internet. I sat up at my desk, the precinct was almost empty all the way. Only a few officers were left behind. Wisdom had asked me if I wanted to come with him and some of his friends to a new club that had just opened since there was no way in hell he was going back to the one Jamal ran. I declined the offer, happy that I had something to do instead of lying to him and saying I was sick. Truthfully, clubs were never my thing, and never will be.

Munch watched as I tried to pull myself together. I had fallen asleep where I sat, and I was sure I was snoring but that's what I got for staying up almost to three in the morning with Cody drinking soda and laughing. Munch laughed at me as I rubbed my eyes, I pulled my headphones off and looked at him, eyes still burning from my nap.

"You look like you died where you were."

"I look like that all the time."

"Self-deprecation is not becoming of a young lady," Munch teased.

"Neither is lying for a young man."

Munch laughed harder than I thought he should have at that. He stood up, a file in his hand. "Where is Barba?" He looked around the room. I followed his gaze and sure enough, I didn't see Barba, nor did I see Olivia. I looked back at the older man, my eyebrow raised. He sighed and told me to wait there as he went to find them.

I watched him go and Fin approach me. He sat next to me, smiling at me like he had a secret with him that he needed to get out.

"What?" I demanded.

"What do you think of John?" I looked back at Munch, he was walking to Olivia and Barba. Neither of them paid me any attention and I was happy about that. Munch was around me far too much and I was starting to get a little nervous. I didn't know the man and he was talking to me like we had been friends for years. I told Fin that he seemed nice and all, but I wasn't really the type to talk to people I didn't know. "Well, how else are you going to get to know someone without talking to them, Theo?" I gave Fin a look. "He speaks highly of you."

"How?!" I asked, a little too loudly. Olivia, Barba, and Munch flashed me a look before going back to their conversation. I looked at Fin, red coloring my cheeks—I was sure. "We just met."

"He keeps looking at you."

"So?"

"I'm just saying, if you want to talk to someone who would listen and not judge, you have Munch for that." I looked over my shoulder and found Munch looking at me. He smiled a little before turning his attention to Barba and Olivia. I gave Fin a terrified look.

"That man is old enough to be my grandfather!" I signed; I didn't want to risk the chance of any of them hearing me.

"You like older guys, right?"

I was going to debate, but he wasn't wrong. I found a lot of men many years my senior to be attractive—but there was a limit! Prince, let his soul be at rest, was the highest I had gone! I threw one more glance at Munch before getting up, giving Fin the death glare, and walking to the bathroom. I wanted out of that room. On the way to the bathroom, I found myself checking to see if Fin was right. And… he was….

Munch's face turned a hot red around the cheeks when I turned around to see him watching me leave. He wasn't the only one who turned a hot red in the face. I stormed down the hallway, a little annoyed, a little freaked out, and very much flattered. I couldn't tell Fin this; he would never let me hear the end of it, but I found Munch endearing—the way he tried to talk to me; trying to learn more about me was more than anyone had done. He seemed like he really cared. Of course, this dude was edging towards eighty and I was still in my twenties, but it was nice.

I came out of the bathroom with Munch waiting for me on the other side. I came to a sudden stop and looked at him, a little confused and very much concerned.

"This is the lady's bathroom," I signed in a semi-teasing way.

"I don't know what you said, but I want to apologize to you." I turned my hearing aids up because his voice was faint. He took that as a sign to keep going. "You caught me..." He searched to find the right words.

"Staring at me," I helped.

"Yes," He seemed grateful. "And I shouldn't have done that, but you're different than any other girl I had seen." I felt my face get hot and lowered my gaze to my shoes. "If I was younger, I'd be chasing you but—"

"Thank you." I cut him off. "You were fine, it was flattering."

"It was?"

"Yeah," I smiled. "It is not every day that I get someone looking at my ass like that in public. If you haven't noticed, I'm not the best-looking girl in the world so when someone does pay me attention, it's nice." Munch smiled at that. I nodded my head to him and walked on by, feeling his eyes land right on my backside.

No, I didn't mind that at all.

Author's Note: _This is a conversation I somewhat had with a person I knew, though he wasn't Munch's age. As a writer, you put the stuff you have lived through in your stories sometimes. It just seemed like an innovative idea at the time._


	18. One For The Road

I got home that night with the intention to pack my bags and go to the hotel Munch had set up for Barba and me. Since we were acting like a couple, Barba, with all his reluctant personality, though it was a promising idea to set up shop in a hotel room together. Much to everyone's dismay. Of course, it was a hotel with two beds and I was sure Barba was going to have a barrier between us for privacy. Barba also looked like someone would do something out of spite, and I expected the side with the window and TV to be taken. He just looked like that kind of an asshole.

I didn't know what it was, but something about Barba made me want to kill him. Like, he was so uppity that it annoyed me and yet, I have seen him be soft to Olivia. It was clear what Fin had said was true, he belongs to her and I was not planning on getting in the way of that.

"You look like someone who saw the end of the world and was sent here to tell us about it," Cody said as he sat at my kitchen table. We were becoming fast friends; our personalities just meshed to the point when we were together we became one person. It was something that made me happy, because, besides Fin, I had no one in this big city.

Cody knew I was going to stay away from home for God only knew how long and he had come right over (which was only about four steps) to bid me goodbye. I was supposed to be at the hotel a few hours ago but my rusty car had finally kicked the bucket and I needed Fin to come and take it to the mechanic… and pay for it as well. So, I was waiting for either Barba or Munch to come get me and they were late…like, very late. I had made it an ultimatum, they either had to be here within the next hour or I was going to bed and we can do this in the morning.

"I have to spend time away from the rest of the world because of one mission," I fiddled with my duffle bag strap. "What do you think you would look like?"

"Well, it's not away from the rest of the world, per se, you just can't tell anyone about it—ever." He corrected me. I rolled my eyes and looked out the window as if I could see the street from where I sat. The night skyline was something I could look at forever; it was so beautiful. "Hey, I'll be here when you get back."

I smiled at that and I was going to reply when my phone rang. I sighed and pushed off the chair to get it from my bedroom. "I swear to god…" I mumbled as I picked up the call. "What?!"

"Well, lord!" I heard Fin say on the other end. "Let's try this again, shall we?"

"What Odafin?" I wasn't playing his games. "Where is Munch or Barba?"

"They can't make it; the roads are still too slick to come across town."

"So, what?" I asked. I could hear Cody walk into my bedroom where I was charging my phone. It was the only place the outlet worked without trying to shock me. "Do I just go to bed and—"

"Don't be so ready to give up, Theo," Fin cut me off. "Your hero is here." I looked out the window to see Fin standing in front of a large black truck. He was waving up at me. "Come on down, Theo, we have to get going."

I sighed and hung up on him.

"They're here?" Cody asked.

I pulled my charger from the wall. "No, my cousin is."

"Where are the others?"

"At the hotel," Cody looked at me with a questioning face. "I've got go." I pushed past him, not in the mood for any type of foolishness. Cody followed me into the kitchen and watched me stuff my charger in the bag. "Listen, if our landlord asks where I am—"

"I know. Tell him you're in New Jersey visiting family," Cody finished my sentence.

"And my mail—"

"Taking care of it."

I glanced at Cody. "Thank you." I yanked my zipper closed. "I can't freakin' believe—"

"Hey," Cody crossed the room to me. "How about one for the road?"

I was so confused… until Cody planted a wet one on my lips…


	19. Barba and Munch

Fin and I had been in the car for a while, not saying anything to each other for most of the way. I liked the silence, it was comforting and in the dark of the night, it made me think. The road was long and traveled, but it was made even longer by the ice and the snow. Cars stayed bumper to bumper, honking at each other as though the person before could change the condition of the road. My fingertips lightly traveled across my lips and my mind wandered back to a few hours ago.

I stood, almost frozen in place, as Cody quickly kissed me. It was more of a peck, but it was so soft, and I was so happy. It was my first kiss, after all, and though it wasn't as romantic as I wanted it to be, I was still happy. Of course, a few minutes after thinking this, my neuroticism began to kick in and I started to panic—I wasn't ready to be kissed. I was happy just being Theodosia the Unkissed One. I was about to physically kick myself when Fin broke my thoughts.

"So, are you ready?" He asked, eyes still focused on the road. We weren't the only cars out, but we were some of the few—the wintry weather had even made the poor stay in. "You know, for this mission?"

"Jamal is a criminally insane rapist and murderer," I began. "Of course, I'm not ready. Are you ever ready?"

"We don't know that," Fin defended. "He may be innocent."

"You heard what Ms. Jankin said about him—"

"If we use your logic, you should be a mentally insane, STD-having, homeless, sexually traumatized druggie!" Fin snapped. I fell silent and stared out the window, my eyes stung with tears. There was a difference between Jamal and me; I am almost all those. Fin glanced in my direction and sighed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"Yeah, you did." I cut him off. In the distance I could see the hotel in the distance, most of the lights were still on. I sighed and looked out the window, watching the buildings go by.

(Barba's Point of View)

I watched as John fiddled with his thumbs, sitting on Tara's bed. He really liked her, which I didn't blame him for. Towanda was young and nice enough, she wasn't much to look at but that didn't seem to matter to Munch. It was almost like watching a teenage boy trying to find a way to talk to the girl he liked—it didn't help that Munch hadn't been married in a long time. I don't even know when was the last time he had a romantic interest.

After a while of sitting there, I watched as John got up from the bed and began to pace the room.

"John, relax," I called out.

He looked at me. "I can't relax—its icy out there and both Fin and Theodosia-"

"They're fine," I smiled at him. It was almost adorable to see how much he cared about them. "She's in good hands." John gave me a sharp look before crossing the room to me. He sat on my bed and stared deep into my eyes. I don't know what he was looking for, but it wasn't there. "What?"

"Have you ever seen someone who just took your breath away?"

Yes, I have, my mind wandered over to Olivia and she smiles. My mind danced around the sparkle in her eyes and the quickness in her step. The way she walked, the way she talked, the way she held up you when you were down—she was the one that took my breath away, in every conceivable way. I didn't tell Munch this, I was far too embarrassed to tell him that I had a crush on my co-worker—I supposed I was acting like a teenage boy too. The way she covered my every waking moment like a blanket may be blush.

"I have," I admitted without giving a name.

"Then you understand what I feel right now."

"Wait," I asked, looking at Munch in a different light. "You like Therese?" I knew the answer, but I still wanted to know. To make it official in my mind.

"Who?"

"Welsh. The Deaf Girl," I saw John's face shift into a small frown before changing back to his normal facial expression.

"I think her name is Theodosia, Rafael."

"Whatever it is, do you like her?"

John looked away from me. "So? What about it?"

"Nothing," I said quickly. "She seems nice, if not a little different."

"Then how come you don't like her?" John questioned me as if I was on the stand.

"What?"

He shifted in his seat. "You don't like her very much, I know that but why?"

I mowed this over in my head. "I don't know." There was no reason not to like her. Carisi, Rollins, Fin, and even Olivia liked her; she was friendly with everyone, even the traffic cops, but something about her made me apprehensive. Her eyes were shifty, she looked around like someone was coming after her. Her smile seemed to be false as well; there was no way in hell someone could smile that much and work in the division we did. She seemed too… hidden away. Like she was hiding something.

But I couldn't tell John that, I couldn't tell anyone that; they would have thought I was making it up or I was threatened by her. I suppose, in a way, I was threatened by her—she just put me off. Now, I wish I had said something to someone about her. Maybe none of this would have happened; I mean, all the warning signs were there. How come no one saw them but me?

So, after going over this, I settled with, "She's not someone I think I could get along with."

Before John could reply, there was a stiff double knock on the door. I watched as John got up and swiftly walk across the room to answer the door. He opened the door and to reveal Fin and Tessa standing at the door, both looking very much pissed.


	20. Why Did I React Like That?

I listened to Munch repeat his apology over and over and over until his speech pattern was engraved in my brain. Barba was sitting on his bed, not listening to us; his head was buried in his phone where I assumed he was texting Olivia. Occasionally, his eyes would rise to meet mine but the contact wouldn't last more than a second before he would return his attention to his phone. This only happened a few times, but it was enough for me to be a little put off by it. It was like he was spying on me—I mean, he was a shifty fellow, in my opinion; I didn't put it too far past him to spy on me. Whenever I was round, he would tense up and it would seem like he was listening to everything I was saying—whether he could understand me or not was another story.

"Look, Mr. Munch," I closed my dresser drawer and turned to face the elderly man. His eyes searched my face for a moment, landing on my lips before lifting to my eyes. "Its fine, really. Fin came and got me, and we had a… the quiet drive here." I smiled a little.

This seemed to calm him down. Munch sat on my bed, his shoes off but his socks stayed on. I eyed him a little, his gaze never seemed to leave my lower half. I sighed and went to sit next to him. I watched as Munch lifted his hands up and signed something to me. Cocking my head to the side, I watched as he did one more time.

"What?" I asked out loud. Barba's eyes flickered to us, but Munch didn't seem to notice. I had no idea what Munch was trying to say to me; the words didn't make sense.

"I was trying to ask if you danced," I squinted at him. "Because of your legs—calves…" He corrected. "They are very muscular."

I looked down at my legs. Other than the fact that I was absolutely appalled by my face, I was almost as insecure about my calves. I didn't have dainty legs like all the pretty girls; my legs were strong and worn. They had scars that told a story and dints that told everyone how far I had run. People tell me that I look like a field eventer in shorts, and I was that in high school, but the reason I covered my legs now was that I was ashamed of them. To be honest, I am ashamed of me. Everything about me.

…

"Oh, I didn't mean it like that," Munch took my hand. I think he felt me tense up a little because he let go almost as soon as he held on. I flashed a glance at him, but all I saw were worried tired eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings… if I did."

I could feel Barba's hard stare on me, so I had to act quick. I wiped my eyes—something I do to prevent me from crying or getting embarrassed, both things were happening then and smiled politely at Munch. He didn't return the smile.

"No," I laughed a little, trying to lighten the mood. "I'm good." I looked up at Barba and I was right; he was looking at me. "You want some ice?"

"No, I'm fine—"

"I'm going to get some ice," I cut him off, walking to the door. I was almost at the door when—

"I'll come with you," I turned around to decline the statement, it really wasn't an offer but stopped when I saw the serious and concerned look on Munch's face.

Something told me, with all his years working sex crimes and crimes in general, me tensing up and almost pulling away from him when he touched my hand every so lightly was not normal. I racked my brain on what I could tell him should he ask why I did that, but nothing came to mind. My heart started to pump a little faster and the same feeling I had during the days when I was young started to flood my senses. I rubbed the spot where it hurt and nodded my head, looking at the ground when I did.

He brushed past me and unlocked the door. I walked through first, looking up slightly to catch the "detective" look on Munch's face. Shamed colored my face and I hugged my body a little closer as I walked out into the hallway. I waited for Munch as he told Barba we would come right back and shut the door behind him. He stopped right next to me and for the first time, I realized how tall he really was compared to me. I was tall for a girl, around five feet and nine inches, but he towered over me with ease.

"Walk with me," he commanded. Though his voice was still tender and affectionate with me, I could tell he was returning to his days a cop and detective rather than staying as someone who was interested in me.

I did as he said and walked with him down the hall. The ice machine was not very far away, but by the rate of our steps, I knew it would take us a while to get there. It was just us in the hallway, and I felt safe—I wasn't something I was used to, even with Cody. Fin was more of a big brother/cousin kind of safe, but Munch was something different. I thought, no, I _know_ he really cares.

"You're damaged," I shot a look at him. "Before you get mad at me, let me finish. You're damaged and that's okay. We all are."

"Damaged?"

"To various degrees," Munch nodded his head. "Barba, Olivia, Fin…"

"You?"  
Munch looked at me. "Me…" He took a sharp inhale. "We are all damaged."

"And what repairs us?"

"Friends. Family."  
I scoffed a laugh. "I don't have any of those. Fin—" I stopped. "I don't have many friends and I am all alone here in this city. No one knows my life other than me."

"You could start letting them know by talking about it," Munch stated the obvious. "I'm all ears; I'll listen to you."

"Yeah, Fin said that." We had finally made it to the ice machine and just like the rest of the hallway, it was empty. I turned to Munch and smiled. "Thanks for walking me down here." Just as I was about to turn around, he grabbed my hand. I tensed up, ready to pull away but he didn't let go.

"Is this uncomfortable for you?"

"Yes, it is," I bit my tongue. "Please let go."

"Not until you tell me why you are so damaged."

"Mr. Munch, please," I pleaded. It felt like the walls were closing in on me; I couldn't breathe. This one simple act of physical contact made me want to plaster myself against the wall and run away. "I'm…"

"Damaged?" He let go of my hand and sighed. "I don't know what happened to you, but if me holding your hand makes you freeze and cower in fear, then I feel sorry for you." I didn't say anything. I backed against the ice machine, holding my hand against my chest tightly and looking at the ground. It wasn't him, it was just… my past. Munch took a step forward, making me paste myself harder against the machine. "You don't have to worry about me, Ms. Welsh," he said. His eyes never left mine. "I will make sure you will stay safe while I'm with you. Nothing is going to happen to you, okay?"

It took me a while to answer; fear gripped my throat like a claw. "Thank you, sir," I said finally.

Munch smiled a little, backing away from me. "Go get the ice," He then added. "I'll be right here waiting for you."


	21. My Name is Barba

Twenty-One

(Barba's Point of View)

They were gone and from what I had just witnessed, that was a good thing. So, my suspicions were right; there was something wrong with Tonya. Typically, she was so friendly and outspoken, but touch made her… nervous, I suppose, and weird. I had told Olivia about what happened and was graced with a quick reply of "Do you think she is competent enough to do this mission?" I was going to reply with a quick no and a supporting statement detailing how much I would like Olivia to be with me rather than Ms. Don't Touch Me, but that stopped when I saw John and Tracy come back into the room.

She was smiling as if there was nothing wrong in her little world. As if she hadn't just acted like a rape victim out in front of us both minutes ago. John played along with her jokes and puns as she placed the ice bucket on the table between the beds she and I shared, but I could tell he was also walking behind her protectively. It was as if he was her bodyguard and she didn't know it. I looked over at my phone; Olivia was probably waiting on the other side for me to respond. Resultantly, I pressed Y-E-S and hit send.

"Barba!" John snapped me out of my own thoughts. I looked up to see him holding a phone sitting on Torah's bed. "Chinese or pizza?"

"I voted for pizza because the Chinese food here differs greatly from the ones in Maryland." She has a big vocabulary.

"Different people make different stuff," I looked over to Munch. "Pizza."

"WHOO!" Trudy cheered, she threw her arms in the air and waved them like she just didn't care, which made Munch laugh.

I swore, that man was infatuated with her.

Munch walked out the room, dialing the local delivery place. I turned my attention to Toni, who was fiddling with her earlobe.

"Are you alright, Thomasina?" I asked.

She looked at me with wide, unsuspecting eyes. I knew where this was going. "Are you talking to me?" She motioned to herself, almost as if she was joking around. I saw the corners of her mouth fight to keep a straight face. "I can't remember the last time you said anything to me, Babe-Ruth."

Babe-Ruth, I remember thinking. I didn't know how she got that name from "Barba," but I ignored it and continued to talk to her. "Yeah, well, don't get too used to it," I repeated my question.

"Yeah," she smiled wide, answering my original question. "I just needed to… you know what, it doesn't matter." I shrugged and watched as Tory leaned forward. "Let's talk about the case, Babar." Babar, really? I didn't know why she was doing this, my name wasn't hard. "What are we going to do?"

"Well, Munch told me on the way here that in the morning we will be going down to the bar and interact with the customers there."

"And when do we sing?"

I don't know if it was because I was used to her talking or not, but she wasn't as hard to understand as she was when we first met. "We have our first gig in two days, we have to pick a song to practice—"

"I have one!" She cut me off.

I sighed with aggravation. "What?"

"The Eden Project's _Times Like These_." Her eyebrows lifted with the suggestion. I thought back to the video I watched with Olivia. I loved her voice; it worked so well with the song, but the song itself was so soft and calm that I didn't think it would work with the setting. However, if I chose a song it would have been a more intense song, something you had to project your voice for and she didn't sound like someone who could do that. I scythed through songs that might work, but I couldn't find one. "Or we could come up with something else," She took my silence as a "no" and thought of a better idea. This made me look up at her, chestnut brown eyes watching me intently; learning, and taking in everything I did—this humbled me a little.

"We'll think of one," I promised as soon as the door to the room opened.

"Thirty minutes," John said coming back into the room. He kicked the door closed and walked back to his spot-on Trisha's bed.

Tia looked over at me and smiled. "I think we should give them a tip for their troubles, don't you, Bailey?" I knew she was only directing that towards because after the three times she called me by the wrong name, it had visibly affected me. I could tell my face twisted each time she did that.

John looked back at me. "My name is Rafael Barba," I corrected Terry.

She stuck her hand out for me to shake. "And my name is Theodosia Welsh." She said. "Nice to meet you."


	22. The Nightmare (revised)

The evening came and went uneventfully; just as I wanted it to. We waited for the pizza by talking about our lives. I learned that Barba was from the Bronx and both of his parents were Cuban immigrants and I learned that Munch was Romanian Jewish and he spoke fluent French. When he found out I spoke French almost as well as he did, he couldn't stop talking to me in said language. I had to stop it because I didn't want Barba to feel left out, just like I knew he felt when I signed. I knew how it felt to be around people who spoke different languages and have the uncomfortable mistrust of them talking behind your back. It may just be me though, and the way I viewed myself.

When they asked me about my life, I paused. I didn't want to give too much information away. There was so much about my life and I didn't know either one of those men well. So, I told them the surface level: I was born in Baltimore and grew up there, my grandfather was a Greek Opera singer, and I have a YouTube channel called: Broadway Me, where I try hard to sing Broadway and pop songs, so I can try out for a Musical. I guess you could say that I had more dreams to be a Broadway actress than be a detective, but either one would do.

When the pizza came, we ate in silence. A few times, I could feel Munch's eyes on me but because I never looked up to entertain them, they left almost as soon as they landed. Meanwhile, Barba was on his phone the entire time, his eyes never left the small screen as he neglected his pizza to cool. Soon after that, after more giggles and stories, I felt my energy draining. I got up, searching for clothes and went to take a shower.

I came out of the bathroom- before anyone asks, I was clothed: sweatpants, tee shirt, and socks. I was wrapping a silk scarf around my head when I noticed Munch laying on my bed. I groaned in annoyance; how the hell someone fell asleep on someone else's bed was beyond me. I looked up at Barba to say something but stopped. He was shirtless, and his back was turned to me. He wore shorts that showed off his toned legs. For a moment there, yes, I did think about not announcing my presence when I saw him. I did want to look at his backside just a little longer before he turned around—but I thought about that. I would hate if someone did that to me, so why would I do that to him?

I cleared my throat, just loud enough to make Barba turn around and soft enough to not wake Munch. Barba froze for a second, his hand outstretched for the comforter. I walked in, heading to the side table near my bed.

"Nice shorts, Buster," I swiped the keycard for Munch's room. It was down the hall and I knew I was not going to get in the bed with a man I didn't know all that well.

Barba turned around and eyed me. "Where are you going?"

"To…" I looked at the number on the keycard. "Room 222, down the hall."

"That's John's room," Barba said as if I didn't know that.

"I know, my guy, but…" I gestured to the sleeping and lightly snoring Munch on my bed. "It sorta looks like my bed is occupied now."

"Then tell him to leave."

I thought about that. "Nah," I turned around and walked towards the door. "I rather have him sleep well there than kick him out. Besides, I feel better sleeping in my own room rather than with some random guy."

"We are supposed to act like a couple." Barba reminded me. He pulled back the comforter and sat on his bed.

I placed my hands on my hips and cocked my head to the side. "We are acting like a couple, we are not an actual couple. There is a difference, Bonnie."

"Bonnie, really?" He asked me, his eyebrows came together, and lines appeared on his forehead. "That's a girl's name."

"I'm sorry, Billy," I smirked, opening the door. "I'll be back around five in the morning, have the door unlocked for me."

"Sure…" He swiped me away.

I nodded and walked out the door.

I walked down the hall, feeling small in a big world. I passed two men, one looked at me, and the other ignored me completely. There was something about the second person I didn't like; he was trailing the first man like a ghost. He walked quietly and avoid eye contact with me. I made it to the room and watched as they turned the corner and disappeared before I unlocked the door.

When I walked in, I found a single suitcase sitting before the bed. I assumed it was Munch's and walked past it. As I approached the bed, I found my eyes drooping lower and lower until the only thought in my mind was, "sleep, now." I supposed the excitement of the evening had made me more than a little sluggish. I crawled in the bed and reached over to turn the light out.

The bed was much better than my bed at home. I stared in the darkness, waiting for sleep to overtake me. I listened to my own breathing and I listened to my own thoughts. The scene with Munch played out over and over in my mind until I couldn't stand it. I shut my eyes close as if it was going to stop me from thinking. I stayed like that; eyes shut tight and my hands gripping the covers and pillows as if they were going to fly away.

It was a few minutes after this when I found myself falling to sleep…

 _I walked through a contorted and broken hallway. Noises flooded my ears all at once; the sound of whistling, the sound of operatic singing, the sound of a child giggling while playing pretend. I knew that child. That wide-eyed innocent child who did what her parents said no matter how difficult the task. The child who wanted to impress her family because she was a good girl. A big girl._

 _The sound of the giggles lured me further down the hallway, and as the giggles got louder, so did the singing. The air grew cold and harsh and I gently the pushed floating bookshelves and chairs out of my way as I walked to a little door that was no bigger than my torso. I bent down, opening it a little to get a good peek inside._

 _"Έλα, Μικρή. Καθίστε στην αγκαλιά του παππού σας," I knew that voice and I knew what that meant. That was one of the few Greek sentences I knew by heart. My heart started to beat fast and my eyes widen as I watched that little girl respond to that accented voice. The voice that told her to go over to him and "sit on her grandfather's lap."_

 _I watched as the little dark skin girl got up from playing with her Barbie's. She couldn't be more than four, she was still so young that her hair was styled in two large braids complete with red ribbons at the end. "The Rugrats" played on the TV, Susie Carmichael flashed upon the screen briefly._

 _She looked up at the older man, her eyes sparkling with innocence as she pushed off the floor and skipped her way over to him. His wrinkly hands reaching out to grab her, to touch her. I wanted to snatch her away from him! I wanted to scream for her to not go! I wanted to beat the door down with my fist! I wanted her to hear me!_

 _The older man grabbed the girl and lifted her on his lap. She giggled when he poked her stomach, she giggled when he poked her nose, and I knew what was going to happen next. I knew it! I knew it and I had to stop it!_

 _I stood up and started to kick the wall, screaming for the man to let her go. She wasn't his to touch! She was still so innocent! He went lower, and I saw the look of fear and anxiety flash across that little face. I watched as she tried to squirm away from him, but she was so small, she had plenty of years left to grow._

 _"NO!" I hollered. "LEAVE HER ALONE!" He didn't. I banged on the door; punching, and kicking and scratching because I knew if nothing was done to stop this, she would be damaged. She would stay damaged and no one could repair her. "PLEASE! LEAVE HER ALONE! PLEASE!"_

 _"Theodosia…" I heard someone say my name, but I was too busy trying to do the impossible. "Theodosia!"_

 _"NO!" I screamed. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"_

 _"Theo!"_

Something hard went across my face. I opened my eyes to see Munch looking at me, behind him were three men: Barba, the man from the front desk, and a janitor. I looked around and noticed that the door was wide open, had I forgotten to close it? That thought quickly left my mind when I saw Munch's face. His eyes were wide and fearful—like he had felt what I had experienced. He searched my face for a sign. I looked past him to see Barba looking the same way—scared. Then I felt it. I felt a sore starting to form on my arm and I looked down. Munch's grip on my arms was tight like he was trying to keep me still.

He was trying to keep me still.

I was drenched in sweat and panting hard, my eyes rolled over to the clock and saw it was around three in the morning. Had I wakened the entire floor up? I remember asking myself.

"Theo…" Munch said softly. "Can you hear me?"

"…Yes…" I breathed. I licked my dry lips. "I can."

Munch let out a breath and pulled me closer to him. I tensed up and found myself starting to shake. I pushed away from and stood up quickly.

"Tasha," Barba slowly walked towards me. "Everything is going to be okay. take a seat." Barba gestured to the bed next to Munch.

I looked over at the men then at my shaking hands. I felt a wave of emotions rush through me and my knees felt weak. I was a failure, I failed to protect that little girl. I failed her, and I couldn't handle that. I, stunned, sat on the couch and buried my hands in my face, trying to press out what I felt.

"Go call Liv, Rafael," I heard Munch say. "It's going to be okay, sweetie." He cooed to me.


	23. The Show Goes On

I writhed under their watchful eyes. It was seven in the morning and Olivia had dropped what she was doing to come to the hotel and check on me. Fin traversed the room, looking out the window as I tried to insist that what I had last night was a nightmare. That's all it was. Of course, they didn't listen. I could see Barba in the corner of my eye; he was silently conversing with Munch. My hearing aids were on all night and my ears hurt from wearing them. Olivia allowed me to take them off because she knew how to sign almost fluently.

 _Olivia, there is nothing wrong with me_ , I signed angrily.  
 _You woke up half the floor with your screams, Theo. They thought someone was dying._ Olivia must have seen the humiliation on my face because she touched my shoulders and pulled me into a hug. Again, I tensed up, but I didn't react; it was a woman hugging me and a woman had never hurt me.

Munch must have seen this because when Olivia let go of me and I looked in his direction, he looked a bit betrayed. He mouthed, "excuse me" to Barba, who nodded his head and stormed out of sight. Suddenly Fin turned around and looked in the direction Munch went. After a few seconds, he raised his arms and looked around. I read his lips, "What the hell was that?"

I looked over to Barba, but he just pointed to the door. I saw Fin whiz by and out of view. This time I felt the vibration of the door slamming shut. I looked over to Olivia, eyes watery.

 _This is not your fault, honey,_ she signed. _Something happened to you growing up and I think Munch touching you brought it all back._ It never left. _Do you want to talk about it?_ I didn't even look around. I shook my head quietly and told her that I was fine and that we had to leave soon, or Jamal would get suspicious. I was showered, dressed, and ready to go and so was Barba. I watched Olivia sigh and turned to Barba to say something. Since their faces were facing each other and not me, I couldn't get a proper read on what they said.

(Fin's Point of View)

"John! JOHN!"

"What?!"

I came to a stop; there was no way in hell I was going to run after this grown ass man. I didn't even want to show my face today, but I had to come and protect my little cousin as well as I could. She was family and she, without a doubt, needed help. Theo had depended on me since she was a child and like a good neighbor, I was there. I saw sadness written on John's face as he walked back to me.  
"What's the matter with you?" I asked.

"What's the matter with me?!" He snapped at me, making me take a little step back. I was not afraid to sock my best friend in the mouth. "What's wrong with your cousin?!"

"Hey!" I covered his mouth with my hand and looked around. "Don't talk too loudly; people are listening."

John moved my hand from his mouth and looked at me dead in the eyes. For the first time in a long time, I saw hurt. He was not someone I would take as getting emotional but, here he was, about to cry in front of me and I stood looking like an idiot, not knowing what to do.

I placed my hands back in my pockets. "She has had a hard life, John."  
"She's traumatized, Fin!"

"Don't you think I know that?!" I snapped, and John fell silent. "Don't you think I know how screwed in the head my cousin is?! I am trying to help her John, I really am, but she won't let me!"

"What happened to her Fin?" John raised an eyebrow. "What happened to her? Why doesn't she want to be touched? Who abused her?"

I looked over my shoulder, looking to see if there was anyone coming. The coast was clear. I took a breath and spoke, "Her grandfather."

"Your grandfather?!"

"No, John!" I looked at him. _Really, dude? I just said "her" grandfather._ "No, the Greek one."

"Oh, so she really is Greek?"

"Barely," I answered. "But that's not the point. The point is, he wasn't the man everyone thinks he was. He was a real creep. He destroyed that girl's life and I was so far away, I couldn't do anything about it."

"You didn't tell her parents?"

"By the time she told me, the bastard was dead and buried."

"When was this?" John crossed his arms. "Apollo Alekis died in 2015…" He trailed off as the realism struck. He looked over at the door, his stance was now protective instead of defensive.

It was then, I knew he didn't just like my cousin because she was an adorable person. I knew he liked her because she was something special to him. I don't know how it got there so fast, but it did. I was a little happy about that because, even though Theo had good parents, they couldn't protect her; she never let them in. She had been closed for so long, going down so many bad paths that she didn't know how to handle the attention. I saw it every day in the precinct; the way she would look at her shoes when people spoke. It was nice to know that John could protect Theo when she was at her worst.

"Has she ever talked to someone?"

I shook my head. "No," It was sad. "Not even me. She won't… she just won't talk about it and she keeps saying that man was a good person. She misses him."

John looked at me. "She's in denial, Fin."

"For three years? Maybe more?" I shook my head. "I don't know when it stopped; she has been on her own for a long time—"

"Why?"

I paused. "I think you should let Theo tell you the rest of that story."

"Maybe," John looked back at the door. "Is she pink clouding?"

"Probably not right now, but she has. Many times. I was always there to catch her fall but…"

"She has to learn to stand on her own." John finished for me.

"I don't want to leave her on her own but she's not my kid. She's just a kid, but she's not my kid, you know?"

"I know."

The door to the room opened and out came Olivia and Barba. They walked over to us; their faces a combination of confusion and worry as they spoke to each other silently. I took this as my chance to say one last thing to John.

"I know you like her, just be there for her," I whispered.

John's gaze lingered on me before turning to the pair in front of us.

"She says she's fine." Olivia started.

"And you believe her?" I asked.

"I do, actually," Olivia sighed. "Look, I'm not denying that anything happened to her when she was younger. Whatever it was, it scarred her for life but she's not backing down. She's coherent and proud and sensible, there is nothing wrong with her physically—"

"What about mentally?"

"I'm getting to that," Olivia smiled at me. "She seems fine, as fine could be. She seems fit for this task."

I looked at Barba. "As much as I would like for this to not be the case, I must agree with Olivia," he admitted. "Thalia seems well enough to go on this mission."

"Dude, her name is Theodosia—get it right," I snapped.

"Theodosia, whatever," Barba flicked the thought away. "She seems okay."

"The issue is this," Olivia continued. "We will all be here, watching her. Should she act out again, we have to log it in and report it to IAB and Warner."

"You mean to have her submit to a psych evaluation?!"

"Relax, John," Barba teased. "She thinks it's a good idea."

"But in the meantime, you, Barba, and Welsh need to get going to Jamal's. Fin and I are going to look at the case with Rollins and Carisi." John looked at me briefly before walking towards his room door. Olivia giggled knowingly and looked at both Barba and me. "He's like a kid. It's so cute!"


	24. Back at the Bar

I stayed behind Munch and Barba as a woman with fiery red hair approached us. She swayed her hips back and forth as if it was her job to hypnotize any man she saw with them. Hell, it may have been her job; this place was the combination of a strip club, bar, and karaoke club rolled into one. She noticed me after a while, and she smiled a little.

"Gentlemen, I don't think it is a good idea to bring your teenage daughter—"

Barba glanced at me then at Munch. I saw his face redden and he returned his attention to the woman. "We are not a couple and, though she looks like a child, she's not."

"Really?" The woman doubted Barba. She craned her neck over the shoulders of the tall men in front and looked at me, her eyes soft and motherly—she must have been a mom. "How old are you, honey?"

Flattered that people thought I was young than I was, I answered. "Twenty-eight, ma'am."

The woman's smile faltered and her eyes hardened. I don't know what happened in those seconds, but she went from motherly and kind to "I'm just doing my job." I looked at Munch, who smiled at me in a supportive way. The woman looked me up and down and I suddenly felt self-conscious, my eyes lowered to my shoes which were four-inches high and three shades darker than black.

"You look good for being almost thirty," I looked up. I hadn't thought about it, I was almost thirty years old and I was just getting started with my life. I looked at Barba, expecting something to read on his face, but he didn't look at me. I looked back at the woman, who smiled at my reaction to her statement.

I couldn't let her have the benefit of seeing me stress, so I swallowed my anxiety and smiled at her. "Thank you, ma'am."

She turned her head to the men in front of me. I felt Munch's hand brush against mine and almost immediately, but completely involuntarily, I pulled my hand away. "What can I get for you? Coffee? Tea? Wine?"

"Wine?" I asked. Scoffing at the ignorant statement, I looked over to my partners. "It's like, ten in the morning."

"Well, some people like to get turnt before the nighttime crowd comes in." I squinted my eyes at the woman; had she just used the word "turnt?" I hadn't heard anyone say that out of place word since 2016, maybe 2015. She ignored me and looked back at the people penises. "So?"

"Wine for me," Munch looked at Barba.

"Coffee," he added his order.

When they all looked over at me, my face flushed with heat. I was going to be the lame party pooper. I cleared my throat and spoke. "Water?"

"Water?" The woman raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I really don't drink… wine, coffee, or tea…" I trailed off.

After a second or two of awkward silence, I walked over to the bar. The man behind it didn't pay me any mind, which I was happy about. There was one more person at the bar with me, an older man who looked like he was heading nowhere rather quickly. He sluggishly sipped his coffee while reading something on his phone, only once did he look up at me while I was sitting there. He smiled a little before going back to his phone. After about five minutes, a tall, lanky figure appeared in my peripheral vision. Turning around I saw Munch and Barba walking to me.

"Hey, you," Munch said softly.  
"Hey," I said to him.

"I'm going to go find Jamal," Barba excused himself. "I'll be back with or without him in a few minutes."  
I saw him touch Munch's shoulder as he walked away. Something about that pissed me off, I turned my attention from the older man in front of me and faced the bar—pissivity probably written clearly on my face.

"Theo…" Munch sat next to me. I didn't respond, it was as if Barba had to tell him to talk to me. I wasn't someone to be afraid of. "I heard about your grandfather," I looked up at him. _Who told you,_ my face read. Munch toyed with his fingers, not making eye contact with me. I wanted him to look at me; what happened to me didn't… he could look at me. "I'm so sorry."

"Can we not do this here?" I snapped in a little whisper.  
"I just want to let you know that I will always be here for you," Munched looked at me.

I shook my head. "No, you won't," I looked at my hands, recalling a memory. "No one ever stays."

Before Munch could respond, true to his word, Barba came back with Jamal. He looked to Munch and I, probably trying to figure who the hell he was. Jamal's eyes flashed to me and he smiled with recognition. He then slid his attention to my legs—cladded in skinny jeans.

"Your legs look good," He complimented. He looked back over to Munch. "Who are you?"

"Their manager."

"What happened to the girl?"

"She…" Barba looked over at me as if I had the answer to this random question. Jamal waited for an answer, his strong arms crossed over his broad chest. My eyes flew to his hip and noticed a nice size bump on it. He had a gun and I knew he wouldn't be afraid to use it. "Uh, she was transferred," _Barba, managers for singers don't get transferred_. I looked at the ceiling, preparing myself to get up and run when Jamal brandished his gun.

I waited, but nothing happened.

"Alright then," I looked back at Jamal, his gaze never left Barba. "Come with me."

We watched as Jamal walked towards the beaded door that led to his office hallway. I stood up and walked over to Barba.

"What is this?" I asked. Barba looked at me. "Did this guy really just say, 'come with me' like he was going to take to us the Fountain of Youth?" I heard Barba snort at my joke, which made me happier than anyone would think.

He looked over at me, a small smile on his face. "Come on, let's just go."

I followed Barba towards the door. As I walked, I felt Munch's hand brush against mine. I knew the first time was on purpose, but this time—it seemed like an accident. It didn't seem to matter' I retracted my hand and held it to my chest.


	25. Perfect Pitch

Jamal's office was the same as it was when Barba and I were in it with Olivia. He took a seat in his swivel chair and looked at us. There was a second or so of complete silence then Jamal gestured for us to stand in front of him. Barba quickly led me to the center of the room and looked at him.  
"Before we start," Jamal pulled out a piece of paper. "What are yall's names?"

Barba looked at me before talking. "That's Tiara," he pointed to me.

"And that's Benson," I pointed to him. He gave a dark look before turning his attention to Jamal, who was finishing his writing. He then picked up his phone and pointed it at us. "What's that for?" I pointed.

"What?" He lowered the phone. "You think I am the only one who finds the talent?"

"I guess not," I folded my arms.

"Yeah," He raised the phone and angled it at us. "What are you going to sing for me?" Barba looked over at me again. I said with annoyance—we hadn't agreed on a song because of the of people prying into my mental health that morning. It was just a nightmare and because of Barba's overreaction, we may blow the case. "What, nothing?"

"Give me a second," I put my finger up. Closing my eyes, I retreated to a song I knew by heart—the song I knew the cords to and I knew the pitch. The song I have sung many times without my hearing aids, it was my go-to song. After focusing for a second, I took off my hearing aids and held them out to Munch. I didn't hear him walk up to me, but he tapped my hand and I dropped my aids in his. I took a breath and opened my mouth.

 _"I heard there was a secret chord_

 _That David played, and it pleased the Lord_

 _"But you don't really care for music, do ya?_

 _Well, it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth_

 _"The minor fall and the major lift…"_

When the song was over, I opened my eyes and found Jamal looking at both Barba and me in awe. I hadn't heard a word I sung, but I trusted my pitch enough to sing. I didn't know how well I did, and I was a little scared to find out. I turned to Munch to grab my hearing aids, as Jamal had started to talk again, but stopped when I saw his face.  
 _That was beautiful,_ he signed to me. A smile tried to make its way onto my lips as I crossed the room to grab my hearing aids. Munch made sure not to touch me and looked at me with gratefulness. "You did really well," He mouthed to me. I blushed a little, taking my hearing aids. I walked over to Barba as I fixed them in my ears.

"—I mean damn, a Capella and everything." He turned to me and smiled. "What did you take out of your ears?"

"My hearing aids," I said.

Jamal looked at me with wonder. "You're deaf?"

I nodded my head in response. "I am."

"Well, I mean I should have known that," I cocked my head to the sided. "I thought you just put up gang symbols when you talked. You are just speaking to me in sign language."

"Yeah," I lowered my gaze to my shoes again. For people who have never seen a deaf person before, maybe it would have looked like gang symbols—but I was sure this hood-adjacent boy had seen a deaf person. It was almost like I signed with an accent; my movements weren't ever sharp enough, never clear enough, never passionate enough; so, I understood him not knowing what I was going with my hands.

"I love your voice," Jamal said. "Both of your voices, really."

"Thank you," I said softly.

"Yes, thank you," Barba repeated. "So, when will we have a decision?"  
"Probably in a day or so," Jamal responded. "We'll give you a call when you get the job."

"Thank you. Come on, Tiara." Barba led me back out the door.

"Oh, Tiara," I turned around. "You are very talented. Pitch perfect, if I say so. I don't know many people who can do what you do."

I smiled shyly. "Thank you, sir."

…

I sat in the car with Munch waiting for Barba at Pizza Hut. We were picking up a late lunch and early dinner for the gang back at the hotel, Olivia wanted to hear all about what happened with Jamal. Munch and I hadn't said a word to each other since we were in the car. I looked out the window, waiting for the door to open and Barba to come out.

"You have perfect pitch," Munch said.

"I know."

"Not many people do," He continued. "Have you been studying music your whole life?"

"I wanted to be on Broadway..." I looked in front of me. I could see him watching me from the front rear view mirror. "Once."

"But you never studied music?"

"Not professionally, no." I chuckled. "I guess that Opera gene came down to me."

"Did you know Fin can rap?"

I stopped. "I-I-I… did not know that," I lied. I did know that, in fact, I knew Fin hated dancing and his favorite color in the world was an off-brand green called "old olive." The same color that seemed to look brown in my eyes. "Thanks for telling me this." Munch couldn't know Fin and I were cousins, I didn't know if he was going to tell Olivia or, God forbid, Dodds.

"He told me you were his cousin," Munch said almost like he was reading my mind. "No, you just talk with your eyes." I lowered my eyes to my shoes. "Don't do that."

"Don't do what?"

"Lower your head like your dejected," He turned around in his seat. "I know you don't think much of me; I am just some old man you think is trying to get into your pants, but I care about you. I do. You make me feel happy."

"How?"

"I don't know." He smiled at me. "You just do."

I was going to say something to him when the door to the pizzeria opened. Barba came out, carrying three pizzas for us. I unlocked his door and Munch pushed it open. Barba slid in and handed me the pizza boxes before closing the door behind him.

"Alright, let's get back to the hotel," He started the car and pulled out the parking lot.

I watched as Munch's eye scanned my face as we drove, they never looked away from mine and I never looked away from his. They were too safe to look away from and I was too stunned to hear what I had heard.


	26. A Blast from the Past

Warning: _Possibly Mature Content_

"Perfect Pitch, eh?" Rollins said she had brought her daughter to the hotel and feed her as we talked. "That's pretty cool."

"Thank you," I smiled at the little girl who had reached her hand out to touch my hair. I loved kids, they were so innocent and kind; they could never hurt anyone. I lowered my head to give the girl what she wanted, I felt little fingers poking around my scalp before being removed. I looked to see Rollins telling her daughter it was not polite to touch people who don't want to be touched. "She's fine, it's sweet. Kids are sweet."

I looked over to see Munch on his phone, he hadn't looked up at me since we got to the hotel and he hadn't spoken to me at all. He was just eating his pizza in silence. Barba who was talking to Noah like a father would talk to his son. He would make a good father. He is a good father…

…

There was a rumble in my stomach and I felt the urge to go to the bathroom. I slid out of my chair and hurriedly walked out the dining hall. I rushed down the corridor and into the woman's bathroom, and into an open still.

As I sat there, I found my mine drifting over to Munch; he was so kind to me and I knew he would never hurt me. When I thought about him, my stomach did flips and turns, unlike when I thought about Barba. He did something to me. My mind wandered back to the night before and how he was the first person I saw. I don't know what I said in my sleep, but it was enough to scare him.

I didn't want to scare him.

I cleaned myself and flushed the toilet. I walked out the stall and to the sink to wash my hands. As I washed my hands, I felt like I was being watched. I hard in the mirror and noticed that slowly, the door to another other stall opened and out came a young woman that I have seen before.

"Myra?!" I turned to face her. She looked terrible like she had been eaten alive by a bacterium. The real reason was much worse than that. She walked slowly over to me and me, involuntarily, took a step back. She seemed to notice because she put her head down to shame on her appearance. "Myra, what are you doing here?"

"Looking for a place to stay," She said it like I should have known the entire time. She scratched her arm, making I looked down to notice the dry, flaky skin and the holes… so many, many holes. I tucked at my shirt sleeve and turned the water off in the sink. Myra turned her attention to me as if she just remembered I was there. Taking a step forward, she started to speak. "What about you, Theo? You look all clean and tidy. I haven't seen you on the corner in a long time."

"Because I ain't about that life anymore," I said.

I look towards the door and gauged that it wasn't worth the risk of being hurt. I had no idea what she was on or where she got the drugs, in fact, I didn't know why she was at the hotel to begin with. She could have been looking for a place to stay, but she could have been trying to buy more dope. Myra was fast, and I was not, she could have caught me before I pulled the door open. All I could do is wait and entertain this conversation until someone walked in, she walked out, or someone came looking for me.

"Oh, really," Myra took a step forward. "What are you about, now? Because last time I checked, you were about to sell your body to B-smoke for a once of the white stuff." My heart started to race, and I found myself thinking of another way to get out of the bathroom. I had been in there for about twenty-five minutes and I knew in another five minutes people would be calling me. Only, I left my phone.

"I work with the police now."

"Narcotics?"

"No, sex crimes."

"Well, that's fitting," Myra laughed. "With your history, that's the only thing you could do on the force."

"You don't know me, Myra."

"I know you aren't the little goodie-two-shoes you want all those _pigs_ to see!" She snapped.

We stared eye to eye, not backing down until the other showed weakness. I could not be the first one to show vulnerability; it would only give people like her strength. Her dark green eyes seemed to make rapid movements, hoping to find something in my face that would give it away. That would tell her that I'm the same girl from the block. When she didn't find what she was looking for, because I had buried her deep inside, I watched as she backed away from me and turned to face the mirror. Her mahogany brown hair was clumped and matted to her head like she hadn't cleaned herself in weeks. She was covered in dirt, not the former vibrant pale it once was.

"You really have changed," She dug in her pocket. "I don't know if I like that and I am proud of your or if I hate that and I am sorry for you."

"Sorry for me?" I asked.

I watched as Myra traced her lips with bright red lipstick, the only color on her being that looked lively. She looked over at me and smiled a little. "You're clean now, you have to follow their rules."

"Rules keep a society in working order—"

"Rules are for pigs! Like you!" She spat. "You keep us inline and tell us what to do because we see you for what you are… a liar!" She dryly laughed. "You used to hate liars, Theo, and now you are one."

"The people I work with are good people, they only do their jobs," I breathed; I didn't want to startle or anger Myra, I had seen her do some ruthless and criminal things to people; she was not someone to play with. "We only do our jobs."

"Tell me," she turned around. She didn't do a decent job on her lips, but I let it go because it looked like I had bigger things to worry about. "Have you arrested any of our friends? The Ladies of the Night?"

I paused. I wasn't VICE, I worked sex crimes, but I wasn't VICE. Myra took my silence for an affirmation and strolled over to me. Before I knew it, a stinging sensation rolled across my face and flooded my eyes. I looked forward and saw Myra looking at me with hard, betrayed eyes. There was a sudden knock on the door.

"Welsh, are you in there?" I heard Olivia's voice on the other side. "We are getting ready to head back up to the rooms." I didn't say anything, too stunned that my best friends from way back in the day would assault me while knowing I could arrest her. Olivia knocked again and repeated her question but still, I did not answer, Myra blocked my way to the door—I wasn't going to get past her.

"Is she in there?" That was Rollins.

"No."

"Maybe she went back to the room."

There was a pause.

"Maybe," I heard Olivia and Rollins walk away from the door.

After a few seconds, Myra stepped aside and let me go through. I walked around her, keeping a distance but never letting my gaze stray from her. When I got to the door, I pulled it opened in a rush and damn near ran out—bumping into Barba.

"Theo!" He said. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine!" I saw Munch and almost ran to him. He opened his arms and pulled me into a tight embrace. My back stiffened and I wanted to pull away, but a part of me wanted to stay there with him. He was warm for being so thin. I think he felt me stiffen because he quickly let me go. "Please, don't let me go…" I said.

"What's wrong?"

I wanted to say something, I knew Barba was watching, but… I couldn't. I don't know why I couldn't I just couldn't tell anyone about Myra. Munch sighed and patted my shoulder, leading me down the hall. "I have your phone with me."

"Thank you," I felt myself pulling away from Munch's touch and feeling both horrible. I looked up at him and smiled, "Thank you."


	27. Munch's Point of View

Warning: _Possibly Mature Content_

(Munch's Point of view)

I wasn't the best-looking man she had ever seen but I could treat her right. I thought she was the prettiest girl I had ever seen; she was so different and unique… and damaged. All day that day, my mind flashed to the night before. Her screams from down the hall woke both Barba and me up but, and I would never tell her this, Barba was the one who got to her first. He was the one who unlocked the door and walked in first. He was the one who tried to wake her up first, but when he couldn't, I tried. Barba was the one who cared about her the most and he didn't even know it. I loved her, and I still love her, even after all that has happened but Barba—he was there, and she couldn't see it either—

There was a knock on my door which brought me out of my thoughts. I walked over to the door and didn't bother to check the peephole. I opened it to see Theodosia standing there, her eyes were on her shoes, which made me sad because she had so much to be proud of—she was the deaf girl with perfect pitch.

"Theo?"

It took her a second to answer. She raised her head to look at me and smiled a little. "May I come in?"

I looked at her, she was dressed in a pink robe that was covered all the way, but the size of her breasts was easy to discern. I nodded my head and walked inside, he heard her close the door behind her.

"Munch—"

"You can call me John," I said, turning around. "You can call me John."

She smiled before taking a step forward. "John, I want to ask you something but I—"

"What?"

She walked over to my bed and took a seat. She wasn't trying to be liberal with her clothing and that was what made her so sexy. She was so pretty, and she didn't know it—or did she? I'm not sure. Her feet were bare and colorless, something I found rare in the women I took home in France. He dark eyes looked away but were wide as saucers and I don't think she ever wore makeup because I continued to see dark circles under her eyes.

She looked at me, eyes sparkling with emotions. Something inside made me want to jump up and protect her. She needed my help. "What's wrong?"

"What did you hear during my nightmare?" She rubbed her eyes. "Please."

My mind meandered over to the night before…

(Last Night)

 _"I can't wake her up!"_

 _I could barely hear Barba over her screaming. I moved him out the way and sat on the bed with Theodosia. Her face was contorted into a grimace that made me want to hold her. She was in so much pain as she screamed and punched the air. I took hold of her hand and pulled her up towards me. I had done this before, with my mother._

 _"Theodosia…" I cooed, pulling her into my shoulder like you would do a child and rocking her back and forth. Her screams shifted into sobs, shuttering sobs that broke my heart. I could feel her body shaking violently against mine. In the corner of my eye, I saw Barba wipe a tear from his eye. "Theodosia!" I snapped at her, she wasn't listening to me talking to her. I didn't know what happened but I figured it out when I heard her say:_

 _"PLEASE, LEAVE HER ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! DON'T HURT ME!"_

 _I looked over to Barba, who nodded his head. I don't hit women, that's how I was raised, and I am much stronger than a woman my size and I am MUCH stronger than a woman Theo's size, but I had to do it. I didn't use even a quarter of my strength, but I smacked her in the face to wake her up. The sound was short and sweet, but I crumbled underneath it. My eyes burned with tears as I watched Theo's eyes open and stare straight at me._

I had made my way over to where Theo sat and looked at her with questioning eyes. I wanted to know why she wanted to know. I had a feeling she was screaming at her grandfather and the person she was screaming about was her; but why? What did he do to her?

A stint of silent when by before she got up.

"Thank you," she said softly before heading for the door.

Before I could stop myself, I grabbed her hand and though I did feel her tighten up, I did let go. I stood up and walked in front of her, she didn't flinch, she didn't move. She just stood there like a soldier waiting for orders. She was much shorter than I was, I had then just noticed her real height because she always looked fearless in my eyes.

"You're welcome," I said, gently taking her face into my hands. She almost pulled almost but something made her stay, I don't know what it was. Her eyes dragged up to meet mine and for the first time, I felt something was there. I felt like she cared about me. I couldn't stop myself, I drew my mouth to her and she did the rest.

It was clumsy and a little sloppy, so I knew it was her first romantic kiss, but it was sweet. When I took the lead, I pushed her lightly against the wall and felt her moan in my mouth. She let me move my hands around her robe as I kissed her neck. She breathed hard in my ear which I couldn't resist; she had a soulful voice when she talked—she calls it a "first alto," but when she was moaning, it went higher in her register. It was almost like she was a different person.

"Stop…" She breathed at last. I had lowered her panties to the floor and was moving my hands up and down her thighs.

I panted as I looked down at her. You should have seen her face; something must have brought some memories back because she froze. Her hands were stiff against my chest as if she was blocking me. I backed off her, pulling my robe close, yet, she was still frozen. She hadn't cleaned herself up or pulled her underwear up.  
I walked over to her. "Theo?"  
"I just… need a moment," She whispered.

"Take as long as you need." I gestured to my bed. Her eyes moved to my face and a small and grateful smile formed on her lips. She pulled her panties up and made her way to my bed, I watched as she sat there, head down and her ankles locked together. "Are you alright?"

"No," She shook her head. "I like you, John. I really do, but…"

"You can't get close to me…" I finished her sentence.

"No, not that," She paused. "I can't get close to any male and very few females."

"What did he do?" I asked, taking a seat next to her. "What he did he do to you?"

Theo sniffed. "He raped me. Multiple times, throughout my childhood," I froze as she sobbed, her hands covered her face. "He told me I was too ugly to get it from someone else, so he might as well…" I watched her body began to shake; shutters of painful memories and regrets. Why didn't she tell anyone? Why didn't she let anyone in? Theo looked up at me, her eyes and nose a bright red, before smiling a little. "Don't worry about it, John." She wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I can't help but worry about it, Theodosia," She sighed. "And I can't help but worry about you."

"Well, don't," She snapped a little and I knew the conversation was coming to an end. "Like you said, I'm damaged."

"But you don't need to be like that forever."

"Don't patronize me," She stood up. "I am getting by."

"For how long?" I stood up, towering over her. "How long are you going to 'get by' without needing someone? Talk to me, let me worry about you." Theo bit her lip and her eyes sparkled under the light. Before I think about anything else, I pulled her into a tight hug, which she did not react to, and kissed her on the top of her forehead. There was a silence between us that I found comforting, the vanilla (I think) smell of her hair filled my nose. "Alright, alright," I sighed to her. "I won't bring this up again, but you can always talk to me, okay?"

"I know." She said against my chest. My robe fell open and I could feel her warm breath. After a few more seconds, she looked up at me, taking a step back and smiled. "Goodnight, John."

"Goodnight."

I watched her leave my room before collapsing on my bed. I looked at the ceiling and sighed. She was someone who was going to have a tough time moving forward.

Author's Note: _This is the first time I wrote something that had anything related to sex in it. Please don't bash me or it._

 _Please don't forget to review so I know what I should work on._


	28. A Memory and A Job

_I walk down a street cover with drug addicts. My coat wraps around me like strong arms as I look both ways before crossing the street. I must get to B-Smoke before he leaves his station, if not then my ass is grass. I almost get hit by a black car with two people in it. I cross the street and turn around to see the two men in the car look at me—one I have never seen before and the other looks familiar. They eye me before taking off down the street, the feeling of the fear race down my back and I hurry off at a faster pace down the street, dodging people as I run._

 _I got to the corner where I am supposed to meet B-Smoke and look around. I don't see him, but I do see the two men in the same black car that almost hit me a block ago. They slow to a stop and a man steps out to approach me. He wears a dark trench coat and black glasses, my eyes run down to his hip and I see a black gun sticking out. Before he could get onto the sidewalk, I turn around and tear down the street. I was never the fastest runner and I hear someone shouting at me in some language that isn't English, French, and it doesn't sound like Greek._

 _I turn a corner, crashing into an elderly man and knocking him down, some people glance at me because of this but I don't have time to apologize. I continue to run up the street, but I know if I don't hide, I would get caught by this man. I have no idea who this man is. There is a bodega, (or what we call a corner store in Baltimore,) a few feet in front of me and I dive in just as soon as I hear the man yelling for me to stop. I run to the back of the store and plaster myself against the freezers._

 _The man walks in and for a moment I think he will look at me instantly, but he just goes straight to the counter. I take this as my chance to back out of the store and run away from him, but as I back away from the milk, I found myself bumping into the legs of a man I know.  
"B-Smoke!" I whispered.  
"T, what are you doing here? You supposed to be at the corner."_

 _"I know, I know, but—" I gestured to the man, he walks away from the counter and heads to the back of the store. If he reaches the end of the aisle and turns right, I would be in his line of sight. I look back up to B-Smoke, who seems to see the man as well.  
He grabs my wrist and before I could react, he pulls me to my feet and runs towards the door. "Run back to the others and tell them Max is back."_

 _"Who?" I ask as he pushes me out the door.  
"Hey!" I hear a strange accent call me._

 _B-Smoke pushes me further out the door, "go!" I nod my head and take off down the street. I must get back to the hideout before the man catches me. "Hey, back up!" I hear B-Smoke yell._

…

I sit with John in the dining hall, he was dressed to the nines and I was dressed to the sevens—it was an average day. We hadn't received a call from Jamal or his employees about our jobs and while a part of me thought we didn't do as good of a job as we thought we did, another part of me held on to hope. John sipped a coffee while looking at his phone, once and a while, his eyes would look up at me and a small smile would form on his lips. I liked when he smiled at me or about me.

"Nothing yet?" I heard Barba's voice. I turned to see him walking in with Olivia. He looked over to me and nodded his head. "Morning, Tana."

"Oh, come on!" I laughed, the table looked at me. "You said my name yesterday, you know my name."

"I did?" Barba asked. No one else was around to hear him say my name so, as far as they were aware, Barba was still the prick that refused to learn my name. Only I knew the truth. Frustrated, I folded my arms and looked the other way, making Barba laugh. He turned his attention to John, "Nothing from Jamal?"

"Nope, nothing."

Barba sigh, looking at Olivia. "What if we don't get the job."

"You will," she smiled at him then at me. "I have full faith in you both."

I smiled back at her graciously. I looked beyond them and saw Myra walking into the dining room with a man. Neither one of them noticed me but people at my table noticed me notice them. John reached over to gently touch my hand, my hand moved away from his, but I gave him my full attention. "Do you know who those people are?"

I couldn't tell them that I used to get high with Myra, what would that look like? Yeah, not good. I shook my head and smiled at him with all the fake honesty I could muster. "No," I continued. "I don't."

"You were staring at them awfully hard, I thought you knew them."

"Well, I don't," I picked at my muffin before looking back at John. "I don't, really."

"I believe you, sweetie," Olivia smiled at me. "Leave her alone, John. She's not fragile."

She was right, I wasn't fragile—I hated being treated like I would break apart if you spoke too hard to me. I nodded to Olivia in agreement and took a sip of my water. Barba's phone rang, making him get up to take the call.

"So, what are your plans today, John?" Olivia asked.

John shrugged. "I dunno, if we don't get a call from Jamal I think I might lounge by the pool."

"Oh really?!" I asked. "Do you know how to swim, John?"

"No," he eyed Olivia. "That's why I said, 'lounge'."

I heard Olivia snicker and I rolled my eyes and smiled at John. "I can teach you how to swim."

John's eyes widen at the idea, but it was more like he was terrified of the notion rather than intrigued by it. "No, no, no. I can't—I'm almost eighty years old and—"

"Come on now, John," I looked at him. "It will be fun."

"Olivia…"

She put her hands up. "I think you have to do what she says, John Munch."

John sighed and looked over at me. When our eyes met, I smiled at him. It wasn't to get him to do what I said; I just couldn't help myself. John smirked a little and nodded his head.

"One lesson," He said firmly.

"WHOO!" I put my hands in the air.

Barba came back with a smile on his face. "Whatever that is for," he pointed at me. "It might have to wait."

"You got the job?" Olivia asked.

"We got the job!"


	29. Bring a Date

Jamal smiled at us as he walked to our car. We had just pulled into the parking lot and parked the car when he came out to greet us. Clearly, he knew something we didn't and even though he wore a smile, there was something underneath that scared me. I hesitated before getting out the car, John saw this and turned around in his seat. Barba was already walking towards Jamal, hands ready to greet him like they had been friends for years.

"Are you okay?" John asked me in almost a whisper, despite no one being in the car but us.

I nodded my head. "Yeah, I am." I looked back over to Jamal and Barba, they were engaging in a friendly conversation. "There is something off about him."

"We are investigating the rape and murder of his girlfriend, there may be a reason why he seems off."

"No, I mean…" I trailed off. John looked at me quizzically. "I dunno, maybe you're right." I smiled a little, this seemed to make him even more concerned. He reached out to touch my hand, but I supposed he remembered I was going to pull away because he stopped midway. He, instead, gave me a small smile filled with concern and worry, before turning around and getting out the car.

I followed suit, not wanting to be left behind in a place I didn't know. It wasn't like we were in the best area. This was the more… minority-centered part of Harlem; where gangs still ran, and people were murdered for saying "hi." I grew up in a place like this, though, I would say the people from the gangs in Baltimore are rougher than those in New York.

"Hey, Tiara," Jamal greeted me, sticking his hand out. I paused before biting my lip and taking his hand. His hand was warm and soft, like hadn't done a day of hard physical work in his life. He must have seen my discomfort with the contact because he pulled away and placed his hand in his pocket quickly. Jamal looked at Barba and John as if they were my chaperons. "The boys loved you guys."

"The Boys?" Barba inquired.

"Yeah," Jamal's eyes sparkled with mischief. "Alton, Dre, and Clue—the boys. They are the real bosses of this place, they just let me play." He then continued. "They want you to come by tonight, at around eight."

"Why?"

"Because they want you to experience all we have here to offer," Jamal seemed highly proud of himself. "Bring a date."

"Bring a date?" I asked. "To a strip club?"  
"This is only a strip club on Friday nights. It's Wednesday." Jamal looked over at John and smiled. "Bring your wife or your girlfriend."

"Oh, I'm not married."

"I can tell," Jamal looked at me. "If you must know before judging me and the people I work with and work for me, we have a lovely music scene at night. Most evenings here spend with lovely couples listening to soulful music while dining. We want you to bring some people and we can discuss payment and contracts and all that good stuff."

"Sounds like fun." I deadpanned.

"But wait, there's more!" I eyed Barba who rolled his eyes at the enthusiasm Jamal showed. "Bring that lady, your original manager. I have a thing for pretty females."

"Dude, she's like twenty years older than you!" I laughed.

"And looking at your boyfriend, I can say the same thing." I went silent and my cheeks felt hot. My eyes darted to my shoes and I sighed a little. I forgot Barba was supposed to be my boyfriend and also I forgot he was almost twenty years older than me. Jamal clapped his hands together, "So, what do you say? Free food, nice music, nice looking people…"

Barba and I looked at John. He eyeballed us both before nodding his head. "We'll be here by seven-thirty."

"Great. Can't wait." Jamal smiled.

We watched as he turned and disappeared into the building. I looked at John, a little annoyed. I had to explain to him that I didn't have any good clothes to wear. That I was poor and the best thing I had in my closet was my uniform for work.

"Don't worry, Tomi," Barba came around. "Liv will go out shopping and pick something nice for you. Just drop her your size."

I looked at him then at John. "Whatever," I huffed before walking away.


	30. Stunning

(Munch's Point of View)

I waited at the bottom of the stairs with everyone. They talked and smiled and enjoyed their night as we waited for Rollins, Fin, and Carisi to come down with Theo. I was expecting someone who went from borderline adorable to beautiful. I looked over to Barba, who was talking with Olivia. She was dressed elegantly: A periwinkle dress with sleeves and a black shawl. Her hair was tied up in a design that brought out her jawline. With the makeup she used and the outfit, she looked ten years younger and I can understand why Barba is in love with her.

She's such a pretty lady.

"We can't upstage the two singers, John," I heard Olivia say to me. "But a splash of color would help you." I was wearing a traditional black tux and so was Barba but at least his tie was pink. I rolled my eyes and turned to face her.

"I do better when I hide in the crowd."

"Spying on people?"

"Like a wolf ready to attack," I laughed.

Olivia laughed as Fin came down the steps, dressed in a nice tux like me, but he had a green tie. He looked me up and down before smiling a little. "Theo is going to have a clean-cut date for the club."

I sighed. I knew everyone knew I liked Theodosia, what was there not to like? I was surprised how well Fin was taking it, considering I am much older than his young cousin. I suppose he didn't think she liked me back, but he was so wrong about that. Thinking back on the matter, if Fin knew what was going to happen, I doubt he would be as approving of our friendship.

"Where is she?" Olivia asked walking over.

Fin stopped his answer and looked her up and down. "Damn, Liv, you look good," Olivia blushed. "She should be coming down in a few seconds, Rollins is just checking up on a few things."  
"Checking up?" Barba asked.

"Yeah, you know, makeup and hair," Fin looked over to me. "She's beautiful, John. Liv hooked her up with that dress."

"Tyra, beautiful?" Barba interrupted. There was an air of tension in the group as we all turned to look at him. "What? She's average at best."

"She doesn't fit the standard of beauty but that doesn't mean anything," Olivia scolded. "She's adorable."

"To you," Barba looked over to Fin. "Sorry, Fin."

"Hey, don't let me stop you from being an asshole."

"Baxter, an asshole?" We heard a voice say at the top of the steps. "When is that not a thing?"

When I laid eyes on Theodosia as she walked down those steps, my heart skipped a beat. She wasn't as curvy as I thought she would have been, but she did have curves. A dark green dressed hugged her body. It was sheer at the bottom which revealed a pair of black heels. Her hair wasn't in a short and curly black mass as it usually was, I don't know what Rollins did but somehow her hair went down her shoulders. It went from short to relatively long in a matter of hours, the light of the room bounced off it like it was a shiny black crystal ball. Her glasses were gone, but I knew they were in her purse, instead, those two dark eyes stared at us with giddiness. Her face was clearly different, more colorful, more mature—she looked like her age.

I couldn't stop staring as she approached me. She smelled like roses, which was very arousing.

"Hi John," But her voice was still the same low but perky sound. I was glad that didn't change. When I didn't say anything, she scrunched her eyebrows together and turned to face Olivia, Barba, and Fin. "Hi, all."

"Wow," Fin said. "Rollins did a fantastic job."

"I know, she is so nice," She cocked her head to the side. "Look at you, Fin! You look like a regular guy!"

"Oh, shut it!" Fin laughed.

Olivia pushed through the crowd and went up to Theo. For the first time, I saw they were almost the same height, granted, Theo had a few centimeters on Olivia. "How does the dress feel? Does it fit?"

"Very well, thank you," Theo looked over to Barba. She was quiet, seeming to take in all of what he was wearing. I didn't see her face, but I saw her shift her weight to get a better look at him. After a few seconds, she spoke. "You look very handsome, Buster."

"Barba," He corrected. "And you look… stunning."

"Really?" Theodosia challenged playfully. "Because a few minutes ago you called me 'average at best.'"

"Yeah, well…" Barba cleared his throat. "Not tonight. You look wonderful… I'm serious."

"Did you thank Rollins and Carisi?" Fin asked. I could tell he was used to talking to her like he was the older one. I won't be surprised if he somewhat raised her from a distance. Olivia seemed to pick up on his tone and turned to look at him.

"Of course, she did, Odafin," She only used his whole name if he was in trouble. "Are you her father?" _Close, he's her cousin._ Fin didn't say anything and folded his arms.

"Yeah," Theo smiled. "I owe them a wonderful time and two Meat Muncher's pizzas." She held up her phone, an old flip phone. "Anyone have a number of Ledo's?"

"We don't have a Ledo's in New York, Taka," Barba said. "But I'll give you the number to Pizza Hut on the way to the club."

Barba took Olivia's hand and walked out the door. Fin followed suit, leaving me with Theo. Her sparkling brown eyes looked up at me, waiting for something.  
"How do I look?" She turned around. "You didn't say anything."

"Because I think all the words have been said."  
"Yes, but I want to hear them from you," She gestured to the door the others went out of. "That's just fluff. You're my date tonight, at least until we get in the club's parking lot," She paused. "Do you like my hair?"

"I do."

"Do you like my dress?"

"I do."

"How about my shoes?"

"I like them too."

I noticed we were standing close to each other. I had blocked out the world and focused on Theo's happy face. I love when she's happy, you know?

"Yeah? How about my lipstick?"

"I like that the most," I said. Theo isn't much shorter than me, just by a few inches, I don't need to do much to get to her height. I found myself closing in on her lips when—

"That is so cute in a very weird way." We turned to see Fin walking to us. "And I could sit here and watch this odd love story unfold before my very eyes, but I have two problems with that."

"Which are?" Theo asked. The way they talk to each other, I like it. They are a family and I didn't have that growing up. It is clear they respect each other but they have a playful and caring way of addressing each other. Almost like siblings.

"One," Fin held up his index finger. "I don't want to and two," He held up the next finger. "We are going to be late, so take your date, Munch, and let's go!"

Theo and I laughed as we followed Fin out the door. As we walked, I found Theo strolling closer to me than she ever had. Normally there would be a foot of a distance between us, but then it was about six inches.

Progress.


	31. B-Smoke

p class="MsoNormal"I sat next to Barba in a small booth, his scent filled my nose, it was intoxicating. He seemed more comfortable with sitting next to me that I was next to him. Olivia sat next to Jamal, entertaining his conversation while Fin and John sat next to each other. I don't know if they were supposed to play a gay couple or just friends. I was not informed about this decision. On the ride to the club, I felt John's fingers graze the top of my hand in a comforting way. It was so light I could barely fill them, and it didn't make me flinch. So, he found a way to touch me without making me freak out./p  
p class="MsoNormal"The booth faced the stage. A young woman with dark hair sang a song in what I can only guess was Spanish. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't the best thing to come across my barely working ears. I could only pick up a few of the words she said because she sang softly and breathlessly. I noticed Barba tapping his fingers to the song in time with the beat, his vibrations coming steady, slow. It was the first time, in the dim of the light, that I realized how attractive he was. His slim but long nose, his decent-enough jawline, his graying black hair—he was attractive./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Barba noticed me looking at him, his blue-green eyes darted towards me with an eyebrow raised. "What?" He asked./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Nothing."/p  
p class="MsoNormal""How did you two meet?" Jamal asked./p  
p class="MsoNormal"I looked at Barba, hoping he had an answer for this. He did not. I cleared my throat, needing to come up with a situation on the fly. "Tinder."/p  
p class="MsoNormal"Jamal laughed, choking on his breadstick. The table looked at me with the same facial expressions, emTinder? Really?/em "Wait, wait, wait!" He cleared his throat. I knew my face was a beet red, but the darkness of the room hid it well. "You met this damn near fifty-year-old man on Tinder?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal""What?" Barba defended me, I think. "Old guys need love too."/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah, I guess so," Jamal took a sip of his water./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Olivia eyed Barba, her face reading pity. "So, where are they?" She asked, changing the conversation./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Excuse me?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal""The Boys," I cleared up. "When are they showing up?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Oh," Jamal looked around. Only a few couples were in the place listening to the woman sing another song. "They shouldn't be long."/p  
p class="MsoNormal"I looked at John, he had been looking at me for the last two minutes. I blushed under his eyes, making him smile a little. The singer had finished her songs and the room erupted into applauds. She strolled passed out table, smiling and winking at Jamal as she went to the open bar behind us. I looked at Barba, who chuckled at that./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Wow, the table is sorta full." A familiar voice caught my attention. My eyes darted over to see three men standing in front of us. They were all dressed in formal shirts and jeans. I squinted in the dark to get a better look at the man who spoke. His head was turned towards Jamal, so I couldn't see him. br /"Clue!" He smiled at him./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Scoot down, Tutu," Barba whispered in my ear./p  
p class="MsoNormal"I looked at him, a little peeved. "Um, there is no where to scoot down to." Half of my ass was hanging off the booth. It took all my might not to get up and grab another chair to sit in./p  
p class="MsoNormal"The Boys must have heard me because one-by-one they all turned in my direction. That was when I saw him, "Clue." The same eyes, the same nose, the same voice, the same height, it looked like the man recognized me too. Clue was B-Smoke, I hadn't seen him in almost three years. He knew me too; I saw it in his eyes, how they opened wide when he saw me then dimmed to not give me away./p  
p class="MsoNormal""That's alright," One of the men behind him said to Jamal. "We are about to head to the bar, we really just came here to hear the deaf girl sing."/p  
p class="MsoNormal""I have a name," I felt Barba nudge me in the side. "My name is Tiara."/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Like a crown?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Yes," I deadpanned./p  
p class="MsoNormal""We weren't really planning on singing tonight," Barba changed the subject. "We just want a quiet dinner."/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Oh, come on, Benson," Olivia looked in my direction, a little astonished that I gave Barba her last name. At least it was better than "Barson." I wiped my hands on the napkin and stood up to go to the stage. "Let's go sing!"/p  
p class="MsoNormal"Jamal laughed at us. "Listen to the girl, Benson, you don't want to end up here at night, do you?" Jamal was referring to the first conversation we had with him./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Barba got up and walked with me to the stage. A few people watched us go, trying to figure out what we were about. As we walk up the steps to the platform, Barba whispered in my ear. "We don't have a song."/p  
p class="MsoNormal""I have on."br /"We aren't singing emHallelujah /emagain."/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Of course not!" I snapped. The light of the stage was bright, almost blinding me. "Just follow my lead, do you know anything from emBarcelona?/em"/p  
p class="MsoNormal""The city or the group?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal"I looked at him for a bit. "The group."/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Well yeah," Barba folded his arms. "Why?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Then you know the song emCome Back When You Can/em," I turned to grab the mic. br /"Yeah, a little," Barba said. He grabbed another mic and cleared his throat./p  
p class="MsoNormal"I turned to the guitarist. "emCome Back When You Can/em in the key of A major, please."/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Its E major," Barba whispered./p  
p class="MsoNormal""I don't want to sing that low," I protested./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Just as he was going to say something, the music started to play. /p 


	32. What Happened Next

When the song was over, I found myself at the bar. I don't drink. The bartender was nice; we talked about love and relationships, my singing and our lives. I learned his name was Rubén. He was from the islands, I think it was the U.S Virgin Islands and came to the mainland when both Hurricane Irma and Maria destroyed his home. He was just trying to get his wife and daughter to the mainland as well. He was around my age, I think a year younger than me, with wild, kinky dark hair.  
"A water for the miss," I heard a voice say. "And a Manhattan for me, Rubén," Looking to the left of me, I saw "Clue" leaning against the counter to the bar. He smiled at me and for a moment there, I felt my heart flutter. He looked good for what he had been through and the fact he remembered I didn't like to drink was sweet. The bartender nodded his head and turned to fix his drink. Clue studied me, his eyes shimmered under the dimly lit room. "So, I didn't know you could sing."

"I wanted to be on Broadway."

"I thought you wanted to be a history teacher."

"True, well," I rubbed the back of my arm. "I wanted to do that too."

Clue made a noise from the back of his throat. "So, what brings you to _El Club_? I know it wasn't for the food."

"Honestly, I was expecting more 'fine dining.'" That made Clue chuckle. "But we got what we didn't pay for, so what can I say?"

"Nothing," Clue leaned into me. "So, I know you aren't with the Spanish dude."

"Spanish dude?"

"Benson, right?"  
I laughed. "He's Cuban. Spanish is from Spain."

"Spanish, Cuban, same thing in my eyes. I know you aren't with him."

Rubén placed our drinks on the counter. "Oh, really? What do you know?"

"I saw the way that other guy was looking at you," He smiled at me. "And the way you looked at him."

I took a sip of my water. I liked talking to Clue; when he was B-Smoke from the block, he was the one I had the best discussions with. We talked more than drugs and money, we talked about life and family. We talked about politics and we talked about the world—if anyone would make it off drugs, it would be him. And for that, I was proud.

"He is a nice guy," I said.

"And you are a nice girl," He touched my ear. I moved my head away from his hand and took another sip of my drink. "Oh, baby, you still fidgety after all these years?"

"You know I don't like being touched."

"You have to learn to let it go," He lifted his glass. "It happened years ago."  
"Let it go, huh?" I asked. I looked at my group, John hadn't looked to see where I was, but Barba had his eyes on me. He watched as I walked with Clue, his eyes never leaving my side. He was my partner, after all, he needed to stay with me. "Did you know I can't have physical contact with someone because of what he did?"

"And because of that, you need to let it go," He then added. "Talk to someone, get that cousin of yours, what's his name? Odafin? Get him to find you a therapist or something."

Barba got up and started to walk to me. I was happy because at least the conversation between Clue and me would be over with. Clue saw him coming too; he straightened up and put his hand out to greet Barba. Barba took a seat on my right and I gave him my undivided attention, placing my drink on the table.

And… that's all I can remember from that night, I'm sorry. No matter how much I try to think about it, I can't remember anything more than Barba sitting down next to me. I'm sorry, Reader, but that's the truth and I'm sticking with it.


	33. Montage of Voices

Author's Note: _Please be advise that this chapter is rather lengthy because it consists of multiple points of view THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT. Also note that there will be some mature themes in here, such as that which the actual Law and Order: SVU show is about. This is my first time writing something like this, so if you would take a moment out of your day at the end of this chapter to leave a comment on how you liked the story so far (I do speak French and a little Spanish, so feel free to write to me in those languages if it is better for you.) What can I do to improve the experience for you and how I can improve this story?_

 _I thank you for sticking with me this far and I am sorry that it took so long to get to the juicy part of the story, but I had to establish Theodosia's personality and I think I did a very good job._

 _Now, back to the story._

(Olivia's Point of View)

The air was cold on my back and I knew it wasn't a good idea to wear an open back on a cold winter night. If I had known we would wait for Theo to get out of the bathroom for almost an hour, I would have brought a heavier coat. The shawl was doing nothing to help me, my feet hurt, my stomach hurt, my head hurt—I just wanted to go to bed. I was way too tired for this.

"Where is she?" I asked anybody who would listen.

"I dunno," Barba said. "She went to the bathroom and—"

"Yeah, we got that, Barbs," Fin was more upset about this than I was. He must have known something was wrong with her, he must have. It would only make sense, would it not? Given what I now know about Theodosia's history, I would have to say he knew something was going on. Why he didn't say something earlier is something I am never going to get an answer to. At the time, I just figured he was worried because Theodosia had taken to Fin and him to her very well; it was almost like they were brother and sister.

He looked at his phone before pacing the sidewalk once more. There were only three other cars in the parking lot and we had been waiting for Theo for a while now. If she had left, we would have seen her. I went to the bathroom before her, there was no way out via that way.

"Someone go in and check on her," John demanded.

The group looked at me. I sighed and walked into the club, heading to the back of the main room and to the girls' bathroom. I pushed the door open and looked around. I heard nothing, saw nothing, but felt something was off. I stepped in, dubiously, letting the door swing closed behind me. The only sound I heard was that of my heels against the tile floor.

"Theo…?" I called out. "Theodosia Welsh…" I heard something, or someone make a grumbling noise. It didn't sound human at first until I heard it again. I knew who that muffled voice belonged to. I hurried to the stall at the end of the bathroom and pressed my ear against it. "Theo! Honey, are you okay in there?" There was another muffled noise. I knew it was her, but I couldn't understand why she didn't respond. "Honey, you don't sound okay," I stated. Something was wrong, something was really wrong.

"Olivia…" She gasped, I fished in my purse for a phone. just in case I needed it. I was ready to call nine-one-one and the others.

"I'm coming in, Theo." I pushed the raggedy door open and stopped when I saw her.

She sat, nearly collapsed, on the floor. Her dress was ripped so much so that her it exposed her breast and her abs. She looked at me with a sluggish, drunk, high-type of look. She was cut up, bleeding from the mouth and a little from her eye. They weren't there yet, but I knew in the next couple of days (if not hours) she would have bruises spanning her entire body. Her legs were spread open and placed in an unnatural way and by the way she looked, weak and defeated, I knew she couldn't have done that.

"Theo!" I ran to her. I couldn't touch her, I didn't want to mess up any more of the evidence, but I couldn't just leave her there to fend for herself. She looked at me, her brown eyes watering up with tears. "Can you hear me?" I got my answer when my eyes trailed over to a nude color hearing aid crushed from the weight of a savage. I turned her head lightly to see the back of her other hearing aid dangling from the piece still attached to her ear.

How did I not hear her scream?

 _Don't worry, I'm going to get you help. I'm not going to leave you,_ I signed to her. I don't know if she knew what I said, I wasn't the best at sign language though I had a good grasp of the language. Theo's eyes rolled to the back of her head before closing. Her head slumped forward, and I caught her before she fell. Wetness covered my hand and I looked down to see my hand covered in blood.

I took my phone out and dialed for help.

(Fin's Point of View)

I watched as Olivia came out, covered in bathroom dirt and blood. I only had time to give her one glance before the ambulance doors closed me and Theo off to the world. Her heart rate was erratic and she still hadn't woken up. I held her hand, trying to calm myself down; I promised Theodosia when she got off those drugs, I would take care of her. She was my cousin, we were family, and I let her down.

Tears stung my eyes as I watched her lay still on the bed. The words of the EMT flooded and faded from my mind. They didn't register with me. All I had time to do was pray to a God I was not sure I believed in and hope for the best.

"She's waking up! She's waking up!" An EMT shouted.

Theo's eyes fluttered open and she looked around. I smiled at her but she didn't seem to notice me over the hoard of medical professionals that surrounded her. I let go of her hand and watched as they checked her pupils and her breathing.

After a few minutes, I heard an EMT shout that Theo had lost consciousness once again. That was when one of them turned to me and asked if there was anything medically wrong with her that they should know about.  
"She was a drug addict for five years," I answered. "She's hard of hearing, and she has high blood pressure."

The EMT nodded and told the others what I had said. I couldn't help but feel like something was going on in that club that involved more than the case we were trying to solve.

(Barba's Point of view)

"JOHN, SLOW DOWN!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, gripping the dashboard and the back of my seat for dear life. I didn't know it was possible to drive like a maniac in New York but somehow John was doing it. Olivia was in the car with us, she was on the phone with Carisi and Rollins.

"I can't slow down, Rafael!" John snapped at me. His grip on the steering wheel turned his knuckles ghost white. "She needs me!"

"No John, she needs medical attention!" Olivia piped up from the back of the car. "And how are you of any help if you die on the way to the hospital?!"

I looked at Olivia through the rearview mirror. Her gaze lingered out the window, hands to her temple and phone in her lap. What had become of this night? We were all having a fun time one moment and the next, we were dealing with a possible rape. I thought back on what happened earlier in the evening when I sat with Clue and Theodosia at the bar.

 _"Benson!" She smiled at me. She has a beautiful smile, even with her drinking the water, her lipstick was still on smooth. I was impressed. She turned her back to Clue, icing him out of the conversation we were about to have. I had come over to them because I saw how uncomfortable Theo was when Clue touched her ear. She moved her head away and yet he seemed to still be bothering her. I figured the presence of who he thought was her boyfriend would get him to leave her alone._

 _"Hey," I smiled back at her, leaning in to mock kiss her on the cheek. She tensed up but didn't move away. I suppose she knew I was there to save her and not harm her. "Enjoying the night?"_

 _"I am," She gestured to the stage. "You did well tonight, my love." My love? Who says that? I raised an eyebrow but continued the conversation; ordering a scotch myself._

 _"Thanks, you did too."_

 _"Do you both always talk shop?" We looked at Clue, who was drinking some of his drink. I had no idea what it was, but I did notice the water next to Theodosia's arm. It was filled with ice. "Don't you talk about other things? Every conversation I've heard you have revolves around music."_

 _"Yes, we do talk about other things," I eyed him hard. "But I don't talk about those things while in front of people I don't know."_

 _Clue looked at Theo, his hand inching closer to her arm. "You sure you want to date this prude?" He referred to me. I rolled my eyes and took the drink the bartender handed me with grace. "I mean, aren't you supposed to be dating?" The way he said "supposed" shook me a little. Had Theodosia let it slip that this was all a ploy to get his friend to admit he killed and raped his girlfriend. Had she told him that Jamal was under investigation? I highly doubted it, but it still crossed my mind. "What about romance?"_

 _"You are getting really into our lives," I chuckled._

 _"I have been known to be a little nosy," And flirty, I mentally added._

 _"Benson! Tiara!" We turned to see John walking over to us._

 _"Ira," Where did she get these names from? I remember asking myself when she introduced John to Jamal and his friends. To be honest, John could pass as an Ira, or a Reagan, or a Richard, so I wasn't too mad at Theo for that. "What's up?"  
"Come take a picture with us."_

 _"Why?"  
"Because they want a picture with you," Clue got up, handing Theo her drink. "We do that sometimes when we find an artist, or in this case, artists, people like the most."_

 _Theodosia took the drink from him and looked at us. "Oh, that sounds like fun, guys!" She took a long swig of her water, her lipstick still not smearing. She placed the rest of the glass on the table and walked towards Olivia and the others. "Let's go."_

 _I remember turning back to see Clue paying for Theo's drink before walking away. He wasn't taking the picture with us. The light of the club made the drink look a little cloudy like there was something wrong with it._

I racked my brain. What happened? Theodosia wasn't the type of girl to lower her guard for anyone. She didn't like being kept in corners, she didn't like to be touched so I highly doubted she would have been down for anything remotely sexual in the bathroom. So, what was it?

 _Clue…_

 _Bar…_

 _John…_

 _Ear…_

 _Drink…_

 _Theo…_

 _Drink…_

 _Clue…_

 _Picture…_

 _Touch…  
Drink…_

 _Drink…_

 _Drink!_

I gasped with realization.

"What?!" We had pulled into the hospital parking lot.  
"Her drink! That man spiked her drink!"  
"What man?!" Olivia demanded.

"Clue!"

(Theodosia's Mind at the Moment)

 _Where am I?_

 _…_

 _I can't hear anything clearly? I feel vibrations and I hear deadened voices, but that's about it. Where am I? I try to get up, but my body won't listen. It won't move. I open my eyes, but everything is so shiny and congested and I see faces upon faces visibly yelling at me._

 _I'm scared…_

 _I try to say something, but my voice comes out gargled and muffled even to me. Words don't seem to want to form on my tongue, which is strange because I am usually a very talkative person. Faces get clearer and I see Fin running alongside me. I still have no idea where I am. All I see are ceiling tiles and lights._

 _Fin grabs my hand and smiles sadly at me. Something is wrong, here._

 _…_

(John's Point of View)

I ruptured through the doors like a bullet out of a gun. I walk over to the nurse's station, leaving Barba and Olivia behind.

"Theodosia Welsh!"  
"What?"

"Are you deaf?!" I snapped. "I am looking for Theodosia Welsh! She—"

"John…" I heard someone say. I looked up to see Fin, covered in blood and tired, walk to me. I pushed away from the useless nurses and walked over to my best friend.

"How is she?"

"They lost her once in the ambulance, but she's back," he smirked. He looked over to Olivia and Barba, a sign for them to both come over. "She was stabbed pretty badly, at least that was what one of the EMTs said." I felt my legs go weak. How could anyone want to hurt Theodosia? "She's still in critical condition but she should be okay."

"We have to tell them to run a rape kit on her when she get's out of surgery," Olivia stated. She ran her hands through her hair and let out an exhausted sigh. She walked away from us and sat in a chair near the door.

I looked back over to Fin, my words getting caught in my chest, but he seemed to know the question. "She did ask for you as we got here."

"She did?"

"Yeah," he smiled a little. "She said, 'John, where is John?' It was really touching, man," He laughed. "If you were younger or she was older, I would say she is the one."

"She's twenty-eight," Barba chimed in, folding his arms.

"Still an adult, and almost thirty. Crappier relationships have occurred." Barba rolled his eyes and walked over to Olivia, leaving Fin and I alone. "John, this is a setback, you know that right? She probably won't want to be around anyone for a while."

"That's fine," I assured him. "As long as she pulls through at the end, then that's all that matters." Fin stared at me for a few seconds, his eyes wide with shock. "What?"

"You really like this girl, don't you?"

"Fin…"

"No, answer the question."

I stared at him and sighed. "Fine, yes, I do. She's great."  
"She is, I agree, but she's not going to be the same person she was when she went into the bathroom. She may not—"

"And like I said, Fin," I repeated. "Its fine, as long as she's okay. Its fine."


	34. I Hate Hospitals

(Munch's Point of View)

"You look like you need a drink," Fin handed me a coffee cup and sat down in the seat next to me. I smiled at him, taking a sip of it gingerly as to not burn my tongue. The bitter taste reminded me of the precinct's coffee, even the smell seemed to be the same. Fin sighed, stretching his legs in front of him. "God, I really hate hospitals."

"Me too."

Fin scoffed a laugh before looking down the hall. Doctors walked up and down but they didn't come to us. Olivia had gone home to take care of Noah and relieve Lucy for the night and Barba was… somewhere. "She doesn't drink, how the hell could she have been drugged? What was Barba talking about?"

"I dunno. He said something about water and…" I wiped my nose and looked at him. Fin looked tired and I was sure I looked worse. It had only been an hour, but I swore we were waiting for days. That's what it felt like; days upon days upon days just sitting here waiting for news, be it good or bad. My mind was filled with endless "what if" scenarios. What if she died? What if she lived? What if she lived then died? What if she died and then came back? What if she lived but was maimed for life? "I just want her out of there."

"I do too," Fin smiled at me. "But we have to wait, we have to give it time. Theo is strong, and the doctors say she will be just fine."

"They hope."

Author's Note: _I know its short and sweet, but I think this shows how Munch feels in this situation._


	35. Inhibitions Gone

I looked at the door in my room. Fin had dropped me off back at my house and I was bedbound until he came back. Cody had gone to see his family for Christmas and my dope slinging neighbor was roaming the halls like he patrolled the streets. Every once and a while, when I heard him creep down to my door, I would shout to him, "I'm still alive." To which he would yell back, "good," and walk right back down the hall. I had no idea why he did stunts like these, but it was almost as good as having a guard dog.

Of course, I got up to do stuff, like go to the bathroom, take baths, grab the door when what I had Postmated came. It was a boring existence, stuck in a crappy apartment, wishing that I was stabbed in the neck instead of the abdomen. At least that way I would be around friendly nurses and not stuck looking at the peeling paint of my room. After a few hours of endless boredom with the occasional texts from Wisdom, I resulted in recording myself singing.

It went from a hopeful _A-Team_ to a pitchy version of _I Will Always Love You._ It smoothed into _Valerie,_ but it wasn't perfect. I kept going until I went to a website that allowed me to change the pitch of my music and I was able to sing to a higher piano version of _Take Me To Church._ According to Fin, when I was deliriously talking to him in my hospital bed, I said something along the line of "I want to try out for Hamilton." I wasn't that good of a singer, I wasn't a Phillipa Soo or a Jasmine Cephas Jones. I wasn't a Renee Goldberg or any of those people who sang back up. I was just Theodosia Welsh. Although it would be ironic for someone named Theodosia to be in a play that was written about Hamilton, I honestly don't think I would stand a chance.

The sun was going down by the time my voice decided to forget everything it was taught and die on me mid-song. There was a knock on my door and I hit "stop" on my phone. Getting up, I struggled with efficiency to get to my door. I didn't bother looking through the peephole, it was either going to be Odelle or Fin. I opened the door and my eyes trailed up the tall thin frame of a man I knew.  
"Munch?" I asked. "What are you doing here?" I looked down the hall. I didn't see Fin anywhere. "Where's Fin?"

"He told me he can't make it," I looked at him with wide eyes. Fin was supposed to have dinner with me and stay the night while I slept. He thought it was his job to make sure I regained my strength and came back to the team. I was looking forward to us watching CSI: New York; that was our favorite show to watch together. Munch looked at me with emotive eyes; sensing my disappointment at his presence.

He held up a plastic bag the contained what I could see contained takeout boxes. "I brought food." There was that awkward silence again. "Can I come in?" I pushed off the doorframe and swept my hand as an inviting gesture. "Thanks," he made his way over to the counter and I closed the door behind him. "I don't know if you are allergic to anything, so I brought you the chicken platter with fried rice. Nothing is cooked in peanut oil; only soy oil and since Fin told me about the time you scarfed down a whole tofu platter at a restaurant in Baltimore, I figured you'll be fine. But then again, people do develop allergies as they get older, so…"

He trailed off, looking up at me, waiting for me to say something. I cleared my throat and began walking over to the wobbly table Fin and I once sat at. "Thank you," As I said that, I tripped, stumbling to the table instead of walking. I caught myself before I collided with the object, but the stitches that stretched all the way to my side hurt. I breath hard as I tried to regain my composure, pleading that I didn't rip them open.  
"Are you alright?" Munch asked.

I breathed. "Yeah," I looked up to see him making his way over to me. My heart started to race and before I knew it, I found myself moving away from his touch faster and more aggressively than I had ever done. He and I held eye contact for a few seconds before I cleared my throat and straightened myself up. "Please..."

"Theo…"

"Please," I motioned to the chair beside me. "Take a seat?"

"I, uh, have to finish preparing our plates," Munch's eyes fell to the floor.

I felt bad, I really did; I really liked the guy and he was so kind and patient with me, but my reaction was only to protect myself. That night at the bar, I was raped—that much I was sure, but I didn't know who or why. It was all such a blur; ripping, pulling, breathing, pushing, tearing—everything hit me like a speeding bullet and whenever I tried to remember something, I couldn't. It was like that man's face was blacked out at every angle I could remember. Olivia and the gang were trying their best to help me, but with nothing to work with, there wasn't much they could do. There was the sound of a plate sitting on the table and I looked up to see Munch looking at me with worried eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asked again. I loved when he was so concerned about me. My eyes may not have reflected how I felt because he looked down at the plate in front of him and then to the one in his hand. "Ready to eat?" He walked to the other side of the table, across from me. He looked back up for my response.

"Yeah, I am," I moved to take my place and sat down slowly. It felt like I was dying inside and all things that held my insides inside my body were ripping. I made it into the chair, underneath Munch's watchful eyes, and breathed a breath of relief. "Thank you for this, Munch."

"John," He corrected.

I didn't acknowledge that. "How are you doing?" I picked up a fork and picked through the chicken. Everything smelled great, especially after eating what I swore was stale cornbread delivered to me buy Postmates. "How are Olivia and Barba?"  
"Fine," he smiled a little.  
"That's good." I looked down at my plate and I noticed that I created a divide between the chicken and the rice. I felt like that divide was a symbol of my entire life now; how I was so close to being normal and then there was this big gap that I had to get over. Only there was nothing I could use to get over it.

I sighed, my head dropping a little in the process. I was always going to be the damaged girl. I was always going to be the girl who couldn't get over one hurdle without something coming up. I was never going to get better, I was always going to be known as the damaged girl and nothing in this world could save me. Not even myself.

"Theo?" Munch got up and walked over to me. "Hey, it's okay. It's okay." I didn't know I was crying until I felt something wet land on my thigh. I wiped my eyes and turned my head to see Munch hugging me tightly. I was confused and the first thing I wanted to do was to pull away but the urge to have true human contact was too strong to handle. I clasped on his shirt, balling my eyes out and pulling him near me. I felt him hold me tighter and for the first time in my life, I felt what it was like to be loved. "You can cry. I'll be right here."

I think we stayed like that for a while, I was locked in my tears and he was trying to help me get out. By the time I let go, I didn't want him to leave.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked, walking him to the door.

John smiled and looked at me. "What? No Fin?"

I bit my lip. "I love my cousin, but I want to see more of you," John made a small noise in the back of his throat.

Whatever was keeping me from him was gone and all I wanted was him. I stepped closer to him and put my hands on his face. I saw his eyes roam all until they settled on my eyes. I ran my finger through the back of his head, his hair was gray but made him look young. I didn't realize how close we were until I felt his nose poke me on my nose. I laughed as he blushed in embarrassment.

My smile faded when I focused on his lips, I drew his head towards me and placed my lips on his. I was getting better at kissing and found myself taking the lead. I was not going to let another man treat me like I was nothing. I was in control of my body, I was in control of this situation. I pushed John against the wall and slid down his body, feeling everything underneath his shirt along the way.

"I want to see more of you," I repeated to him as I undid his belt.


	36. How He Feels

(Munch's Point of View)

I laid next to Theo, her breathing was keeping me at ease, and watched the moon grace her face. It only seemed when she was sleep, she was at peace the most lately. He eyes were never far away from the nearest exit and her phone was never far away from her hand. Even as we laid together, her phone was charging on the table next to her bed. A kinky lock of hair landed near her mouth, I moved it and kissed her before rolling over and looking at the moon. She snored lightly, telling me she was in a deep slumber. She must have been exhausted from always being on her guard, or from what we did almost two hours ago.

She felt good; her body was warm and soft, and her moans were like music in my ears. Her eyes were closed most of the time, arched her back and neck away from me but my eyes never left her face. When she released, I felt her shutter underneath my hands, it was so sexy. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she did it again, her moans getting louder and more elaborate than just saying my name. She was gentle, not too rough but not too soft—I think she was shy because this was her first time. When we were done, she collapsed against my chest, sweat dabbled her forehead and her breathing rough and heavy. I kissed her forehead, but she didn't seem to notice or care, she was too busy, I suppose, catching her breath.

I got out of the bed, it was almost midnight and I didn't want to wake her up by leaving the apartment. Besides, I could stare at her face forever. I went to the kitchen and poured me a glass of water. Did I just have sex with a young woman who was mentally and physically damaged? Did I just make a mistake? Even if it was a mistake, it was the best one to happen in my life. Her stitches stretched all around her side and as we laid in bed, as she was drifting off to sleep, I traced it with my finger. She giggled at this before closing her eyes and soon after, starting to snore.

I placed my glass in the sink and stretched. I heard a pair of feet enter the kitchen behind me and upon turning around, I saw Theo tiredly making her way over to me. She had no shirt or bra on, just a pair of shorts.

"Leaving so soon?" She asked, almost like she expected it of me.

I shook my head. "No, I might leave around three, so I can head back to my place and get ready for work but not just yet."

"In speaking of work," She held her head high but in her eyes, I could see worry written all in them. "We can't talk about this, ever."

"Why not?" She raised an eyebrow and I clarified. "Between us, why can't we talk about this between us?"  
"Because it was a one-time thing I was weak."

"Oh," I sighed. "You regret having sex with me."  
"No, of course not, but I don't want it to happen again," Her eyes were truthful but for some reason, I was heartbroken about this fact. I really cared about that girl and I wanted her to be happy, but I wanted her to be happy with _me_. She reached to touch my face, but I backed away, a little hurt by her decision to not talk about what happened a few hours ago. I didn't want her to be the type of girl that thought sex was just something to do, not something to love. Though, she may have thought that already with her past. "John," She said my name and when I didn't respond, she said it with a little more fervor. "JOHN!"

"What?!"

"What's wrong with you?" She demanded. "Why are you mad at me? What did I do?"

I shook my head and walked past her. I knew she was never going to want to be with me; I was too old, not in her league (though, I think she didn't know she had a league,) and she thought she had too much baggage with her. However, a part of me thought there was a chance she would… just maybe she would...

"John!" She stomped her foot on the ground. I stopped walking. "Look, I am sure everyone in this apartment can hear me yell at you! We have thin walls, you know?!" I turned around to see Theo's face twisted in anger. She was trying to talk to me, but I just shut down. I remember the hurt that showed on her face when she watched me turn around. "John, wait!" I opened the door. "Where are you going?!" I put my shoes on, which were placed right near the door. "Let me explain to you—" That's all I heard before I closed the door on her.

I didn't care about how she felt. All I could feel was that she was never going to love me as much as I loved her. And I still, to this day, love her.


	37. Who Do We Fight For

(Barba's Point of View)

It was a quiet day. In fact, since Theo had been gone, almost every day was a quiet day. It's ironic, really, how someone who couldn't hear anything be the loudest person in the group. I didn't want to tell anyone, but I missed her. She was interesting, to say the least, and underneath the layer of cynicism she has about the world, there is a sincere heart. We all sat in Olivia's office, trying to come up with better ideas to find out what happened to Gina Wildman rather than going undercover. We had to come up with better ideas.

"You could just be cops," I suggested.

"Anything to get you out of carrying a gun, huh, Barba?" I knew it was a joke, but the way Olivia said it made me shut up. I didn't dare answer. She saw my reaction and sighed, rubbing her temple with her fingers. "Sorry," She began. "It's been a stressful couple of weeks."

"Tell me about it," Fin chimed in.

Olivia looked at him, an eyebrow raised. "How is Theo, Fin?" He looked up from his stack of papers. "Sorry we haven't been by to see her, but—"

He put his hand up to stop her. "I understand, and I'm sure she does too," He then continued. "She's not unreasonable. As for how she's doing? Pretty well last time we spoke, but I wasn't with her last night."

"Who was?"

"Munch was."

"Munch?" Carisi looked at Rollins, her face dancing with knowledge. "I guess I owe you twenty bucks and a drink."

"Are you betting on a deaf girl?" Fin quipped. "Have you no shame?"

Rollins turned to face Fin. "Not per se, but we are betting on Munch."

"Why?" I asked.

Carisi looked at me, his eyes lit with excitement. "Rollins and I want to see how long it would take for him to make a move on her."

"I bet four months after meeting her," Carisi admitted. "Because, well, Theo is a difficult person. I like her and all, but she doesn't let many people come close to her. I figured she would be more aloof."

Rollins finished for him. "Have you not seen how he looks at her?" We nodded our heads. It was so clear it like looking through a window. "He's completely smitten by her. It's so cute."

It was sorta cute; the way he seemed to float on air whenever she smiled at him or laughed at his corny jokes. She was something to hold on to, something to love—I can see that now. Munch was either smitten by her gaze or was so lonely he tricked himself into being smitten by her gaze. Theo has dark, trapping eyes that stared into your soul when she was just looking at you. I can see how you would get lost in them because I did.

"So what do we do now?" Carisi asked. "Do we suspend the investigation into Akins's background to chase after the person who hurt Theo?"

"No," This was my specialty. "We keep going."

"What if they get suspicious?" Olivia challenged. "Then they would run."

Fin saw the look on my face and put his head down. I sighed. "We have to forgo that case, at least for a while." I said. "Bring Theo back on, if you can, and find the person who killed Gina."

"And what about her rape case?"  
"As far as I am concerned," I stood up. "That case does not exist."

I looked at the room, there was a mixture of sadness, betrayal, anger, and understanding in the air. I knew what they were thinking, I was feeling the same way. Theo may never get justice, she may never know who hurt her, who raped her, and she may never us trust again because we had to protect the city and not just her. Then the question of who would tell her this came up.

"I'll do it," I said as I walked out of the room. "After work, I'll stop by, have some dinner, do some talking, and explain some things.

"Just be careful, Barba," Fin urged. "She doesn't live in the best of areas."


	38. NOT a chapert

I am aware that I hadn't uploaded in a long while but that is because I am back in school. I am also aware of Barba's exit from the show.

This, however, will not stop me from finishing this story. Please just give me a few weeks to get my classes in order and I will continue on.  
In the meantime, please don't forget to review and follow.

Thave a great day.


	39. The Beginning of the Mistakes

(Barba's POV)

I knocked, several times, on Theo's door. I knew she was injured but I was outside her apartment for two minutes before she opened the door. I stood there, looking at her. For the first time, I realized how androgynous her facial structure was. Her hair was pulled into tight cornrows, she wore baggy pants and her gaunt but swollen face could have her gender swing either way. Her facial expression didn't help either; it was a mixture of annoyance and sleepiness; like I had just woken her up from a nap.

I furrowed my eyebrows; waiting for her to let me in. Instead, Theo stared at me before letting her eyes gradually slide down my build and back to my face, her expression never changing. She was sizing me up. I didn't know what happened at the time, but I had noticed that her demeanor was more hostile and violent. She grabbed the door with such force that her dark knuckles started to pale.

"What?" She finally asked. The words stabbed at me like a knife, ready for the attack. She had insults on her tongue just for me if I didn't say or do the right thing. Something happened to her and I wasn't there to witness it. Was it Munch? Did she get a phone call from her doctors? I had no idea. "It's late, what do you need? Why are you here?"

"I wanted to speak with you," I stiffened, choosing my words carefully and even when they left my mouth, they were still unsure of themselves. "I brought food."

She didn't seem to care. Her eyes glared at me like she was trying to turn me into stone; like she was the byproduct of Medusa and a siren. Her chocolate brown eyes dipped in the midnight sky were something to be feared and something to be excited by. I had never been more conflicted in my life.

"I have been here all day and not once did someone call or come by to see me."

"Not even Wisdom?" I knew how close they were from some of the stories the other traffic officers would tell.

They were a team, the both of them. I felt horrible because I felt like I was ripping away a man from the only friend he had in the squad; they came in together. The feeling intensified when I learned that Wisdom was being placed in Narcotics and being relocated back to Baltimore. I was unsure if Theo knew this but it was something I didn't want to say with her looking like she was ready to pounce on me.

"I haven't heard from Wisdom in weeks," her gaze softened; she missed him. "I don't even know if we're still friends..." I made a note, right then and there, to have Wisdom either call her or come by. If I had to stand there while he called or drive him by this dingy apartment complex, I would have done it. It just… felt right.

After a few seconds, Theo looked up at me. Her eyes were like a deer's big and wide. She seemed to have snapped back into her mental state. She pushed off the door and stepped out of the way. Her arm swung in as a gesture for me to come in. "Come in; I can use the company, even if it comes from you."

I smiled at her as I walked in. She closed the door behind me and walked to the kitchen. I looked around, expecting to see at least a splash of color to match Theo's personality, but the chipped paint the color of broken eggshells told me that either her outer persona was a stratagem or she was just not invested in her living quarters. Both could be true at this point.

A table that lent on one side more than the other, chairs that didn't match the brand of the table, cabinets missing pieces of wood. A bedroom that I could see into because no door was on the hinges; this was the world she lived in. A shiver ran down my back as I turned to face Theo. She was staring at me as if she knew what I was thinking.

"It isn't much, but it is home." She turned her back on me to reach into the cabinet. She pulled out a bottle of Scotch and two glasses. I raised my eyebrow in curiosity. I walked over to her, hearing my heels against the splintered wood underneath. Theo poured two shots of Scotch in silence, an emotion written on her face that I couldn't place. She handed me a glass and I took it graciously.

At least it was clean…

"We all didn't come from good homes and went to Yale like you did," There was bitterness in her words. Like she was mad at me for the quality of life she thought I had. She couldn't be further from the truth. "We all can't walk around in suits."

I was mid-sip when I watch Theo take her entire drink in a gulp. A grimace danced on her lips briefly before they fell back into her resting frown. She placed the glass on the wobbly table and for a moment, I thought the weight of the glass was going to overpower the table.

"I thought you didn't drink." I walked to the table and place the food on it. I made it; it was a recipe from my family from Cuba. I wanted to share a part of my life with her since she had let everyone on the team run amuck in hers. I wondered what her life was before we entered it.

Theo sat down. "There's a first for everything, right?"

"I suppose," I didn't like the fact she drank, it took away from her integrity. Theo twisted her hair in a fatigued manner. "You haven't been to work for a while."

"I know."

"Are you planning on coming back?" She eyed. "The team misses you."

She stopped twisting her hair and looked at me. She then leaned forward and narrowed her eyes. "They miss me or you miss me?"

Honestly, I took a pause to answer this. "The team misses you," I repeated.

This made her lean back in her chair and go back to twisting her hair. A small cutting smirk fell on her face yet she kept her eyes on the table. "I figured." I watched as her smirk faded and wiped her eyes. She must have felt my staring because he eyes darted up, making me look away. "What did you bring me?"

"Moros y Cristianos," That made her grin. "What? Have you had this before?"

"No. I just liked the way you said that."

I actually blushed at this comment. I knew Spanish, for all it was worth, was a sensuous language and for those who couldn't speak it, it got the synapsis going, but when Theo told me she liked the way I spoke… something inside me shifted. I quickly pulled out the covered plates I put together before handing one to her.

"Thank you," she pulled the cover off the top and the smell of rice and beans wafted through the room.

LATER

Theo walked me to the door, a smile plastered on her face. She giggled like a child. That was the best time of my life; we laughed and joked and talked about everything. I learned that Theo spoke French and Hebrew. She learned that I went to Harvard and not Yale. I learned that she can't dance to save her life, believe me, I saw it first hand.

We were trying to salsa and every other move was like trying to teach a plank how to walk; it wasn't happening anytime soon. It made me smile when she told me that she thought Cuba was one of the most interesting countries to ever be established. She told me that one day she would love to visit and I determined her the next time I went, I'll take her with me.

We had a great time and as the evening came to a close, I felt a stronger connection with her. I was even calling her by her full name and not her nickname. For some reason, Theodosia was a better fit than Theo. She was just a better fit and than a Theo. She was just a better fit in general…

Theodosia and I stopped at the door. We were about the same height, her being a little taller. I don't know what came over me but I couldn't stop staring at her. Her eyes were alluring and sweet, like Hersey's Kisses. Her skin glowed under the dimming light if her apartment like a Hersey's Kiss. I just wanted to give her a-

"It was great to see you, Barba."

"Rafael."

"What?"

I took her hand and held it. I saw the color rise in her cheeks. Her smile twitched a little. She didn't pull away, she didn't flinch. She was… warm. I then understood how Munch felt when he touched her. She was very warm.

"My name is Rafael, not Barba."

Theodosia smiled kindly. "Rafael." I loved the way she said my name. It sent shivers down my spine. "It was great to see you. I missed your face."

"I missed yours." I did. I did miss seeing her around and engaging with everyone.

I felt my hand move to her hair, stroking it and no matter how many times and how loud I was telling myself to not go so far, that I will be betraying Olivia with this action, I couldn't stop. Just like I couldn't stop myself when my mouth found hers. Just like I couldn't stop myself from letting her push me against the wall and unbutton my shirt. Just like I couldn't stop myself from finding the light switch on her bedside table and quickly switching it off as she rolled over me, her sweaty body pressed against mine. A powerful and instinctively protective arm gripped around her waist.

I couldn't stop myself from kissing her sleeping forehead and rubbing her hair as I drifted off to sleep with her deep breathing. No, I COULD have stopped myself, I just didn't want to.


	40. The Next Day

Have you had that experience where you are sleeping and it seems like everything outside of your reality is happening at once but in actual reality, there are lapses of time? If so, then you know how confused I was when I felt Barba leave my bed and a few seconds later, I heard him having a conversation with someone on the phone. I heard my name. I felt him get back in the bed, wrap his arms around me. Bury his head in my hair. I felt him breathing on my neck. I heard him humming something, I'm not sure what, to himself.

This was all happening at the same time. I could smell his cologne, I could feel his hands wrap around mine tightly. I could feel his breathing slow down as he drifted back to sleep. And suddenly I could smell bacon and some spices and I suddenly wondered why I could hear sizzling I could hear sizzling from my kitchen.

…

I opened my eyes to find myself staring at the ceiling. I remember thinking that I needed to get it painted over, but I knew my landlord was going to be a bitch about it. I considered having Odelle do it but I remembered he was a drug dealer and a part of me figured he was going to hide a pound of cocaine in my ceiling. I didn't need that in my life again.

I felt around my ears to feel two hard objects around them. My hearing aides. Did Barba put them in for me? I shot up, now it was all starting to hit me at once; Barba was still in my apartment after we did the dirty the night before and I was smelling food. Barba was more of a man than Munch was and he was twenty years his junior. I didn't expect him to be here; I just figured life these days were about sex and no commitment. At least one man was kind enough to stay with me.

But why? Why did he do that? By was he so… nice to me? He was sweet and sensitive with me the night before. He kept asking me if I was okay with him doing anything. He kept telling me that he was going to be gentle, and he was, and that I could tell him to stop anytime I wanted to. He held my hand throughout all the whole ordeal and when we were done he let me lay on his bare chest. His pale skin resembled stone under the streetlights that flashed in my room.

"Morning…" I looked up. Barba, as shirtless Barba, stood in my doorway with a tray of food. My face flushed with embarrassment as he walked over to me without a care in the world. "I noticed you didn't have food in the cabinets and…" his voice deadened when he saw the look on my face. Quickly, he placed the tray on the bed and sat down. His arm went around my shoulder like it was already a habit. He smelled like Axe, which I loved. It was something like chocolate.

I pulled away from his touch a little, my head trying to wrap around what was happening. Barba was in my apartment, without a shirt, making me breakfast. Did I suddenly get married to him last night? His blue eyes narrowed a little with concern. "Are you okay?"

I sighed. I heard that probably thirty times the night before. "Are you okay?" was something he said whenever I made a face or let out a moan or squeezed his arm an eighth of an inch tighter. I was tired of hearing if I was alright. I got out of the bed, heading to my robe on the back of my chair. I had to get out of this place, something wasn't right. Of course, I loved having Barba in my room but something told me that I was going to regret this later. I needed time to breathe, I needed time to do something normal…

"Theodosia!" Barba called for me. I stopped fighting with the sleeve of my robe and turned to look at him. Barba got up and walked over to me. He placed his hands on my shoulder and stared into my soul. A chill flooded through me and I remembered why I wanted him last night. His stare was addicting like he was examining every last drop of me and savoring it so he could draw it the next day. Like he was trying to read me but the letters were too small. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"This is wrong." Barba let go of me but his gaze never did. He narrowed his eyebrows to get a better look at me but stopped when he saw that I was serious. I shook my head in protest, I wanted his strong arms around me again. "You're a DA and I'm, I mean, I was a detective."

"You still are a detective."

I shook my head a little more. "I can't be a detective now, not with what we did last night. I can't look Olivia in the eye and say, 'hey, I'm back in action.'" I missed work. I missed getting a paycheck every two weeks. I missed being able to pay my bills. I needed to get back to work because my insurance did not cover everything on my medical bills. I needed to get back to work because I didn't like the fact that every time I looked in the mirror, I saw someone helpless and who had her life ruined because she couldn't defend herself.

I squeezed my eyes close. I wanted to go back to work but I knew that once I did, Barba was still going to be on the case with me. I couldn't face Olivia knowing full well that she would HATE me.

I opened my eyes to find Barba pacing the room. His hand to his chin, he was in deep thought. I listened as he mumbled obscenities to himself in Spanish and English; he cursed himself for not thinking about Olivia last night. For not calling her. For not talking about her with me. As I watched him make combat with himself, a rush of guilt and hunger poured through me.

Without speaking, I turned on my heels and walked out of the kitchen. I left the tray of food he brought me to my room and headed to the bathroom.

I just had to leave this place. I just had to leave Barba to his own devices.

(Munch's POV)

I walked past Theo's desk five times. Every time I did, I lingered there for a second, hoping to be there when she walked in but as soon as I did that, I remembered that she most likely wouldn't be in for another week or so. There was even talk about the force that she was going to transfer to Miami or back to Baltimore. As much as I understood why she would do that, I didn't like the idea. I was sure no one liked that idea.

I walked past Liv's office to find her on the phone. I stopped, mainly to ask her a question but a part of me wanted to know what she was talking about. I wanted to know how it went with Barba and Theo the night prior. I tried calling him that morning, but it went straight to voicemail.

"...you didn't tell her?" I heard her voice rising in exasperation. Her fingers drummed on the desk in a uniformed beat. "What were you doing with her all night? Having fun? What kind of fun? Watching movies? Yeah, right. You better not mess things up with her and with me, Barba." She paused once again.

I felt a stinging sensation of anger mixed with resentment slide down my back. Not too many nights before, Theo and I were laying in bed and talking. She let me touch her in places I was sure no one else had and yet, there she was, probably having the time of her life with Rafael Barba who was a better fit for her than me. A part of me wanted to knock Barba on his ass and another part of me wanted to go rushing back to Theo and beg her for forgiveness.

Olivia hung up the phone and looked up to see me peering in on her. "Munch?"

I walked in, handing her a folder of pictures. I did it the old fashion way, just for the dramatics of it. She opened the fold and started to flip through the pictures. I was told to take lineups of as many people as I could and give them to Theo just in case she saw someone the night she was raped. I knew Barba told us not to do anything, but until Fin could locate Gina's mother, helping Theo was the best we could do.

"Good job, Munch." She said, still reading the folder. I stood there for a few seconds, debating on whether or not I was going to say anything to her about Theo. Olivia looked up at me and raised an eyebrow. She placed the folder on her desk and folded her hands together. "Can I help you, Munch?"

"Have you seen Theo? Have you heard from her?" I saw the grimace on her face. Olivia buried her attention back into the folder. "Liv?"

"I'd rather not talk about her, Munch, okay?"

"Olivia-"

She gave me a dark look. I took a step back and raised my hands in surrender. Just before she opened her mouth to say something to me, her phone rang. With the momentum of light, Olivia picked up the phone and answered it. "Benson." She said that so calmly. There was a pause before she spoke again. "Thanks, Fin, bring them in."

"Bring who in?" I asked as she placed her phone neatly on the desk.

Olivia got up from her seat and walked past me. I followed her out the office and down the hall to one of the many interview rooms we had open. Carisi and Rollins stood talking outside one. They looked up from their conversation and smiled at me. Their eyes were hoping that I had heard from Theo. I shook my head and watched as disappointment swallowed them.

We all headed further down the hall to the last interview room and waited for Fin. Olivia turned to the three of us, I could tell she was worried about something and a part of me knew who it was about. I mean, the conversation I heard walking into her office was a clear indicator and if I was honest, I was a little on edge too; I had no idea what Theo and Rafael were doing in that cramped apartment. I have seen the way she looked at him, her eyes widened to whatever he was saying even though she played it off as if she didn't care about him or his opinion. I knew there was something between them and that made me uneasy.

"Fin found Mrs. Wildman and an old friend of ours from the bar."

"Old friend?"

"She greeted us when we went to the bar the first time," She then added. "It was just Barba, me and… Theo." I felt that hesitation to say her name. Olivia was pissed. "Fin is bringing them both in. Carisi and Rollins, I need you two to speak with Ms. Wildman, Munch, Fin, and I are going to talk to that lady from the bar."

"Do you know her name?" Rollins asked.

"That Lady From the Bar, for now." Olivia winked and walked past us back to the BullPen.


End file.
